Dating - how to make myself more exciting/less available

[candles1298]

So I've been old for years. After years of feeling like I was wasting my time, I feel like I've finally met someone I really click with and am really attracted to.

The only thing is that I feel like he's a bit of my league and I'm questioning why he'd be interested in me.

I think this is more my issue than anything he's done as he's very complimentary, seems keen etc. and doesn't seem to be into play long games.

It's thrown me a bit tho as I've been mostly single for 6 years, done a lot of work on myself and thought i was pretty confident and secure. So why am I feeling like this?

Is it natural to feel this way when you meet someone you really like? I'm not sure cos tbh in all my years of online dating I've plenty of nice men that I didn't particularly click with so I don't know if it's just because I've never been this interested before?

Sorry, i posted too soon.

I guess I'm just feeling like I could be coming across a bit too keen and boring. I'm a single mum and work full time so he always fits in with when I'm free but I then wonder if I'm too available and he thinks I don't have anything else going on in my life?

I think the root of it could be that he follows a lot of attractive girls on Instagram with much more exciting lives.

He's been single for 3 years so I think this normal(ish) at this stage of dating? Not like he's doing anything wrong, it's just highlighting my own insecurities

His instagram is just going to be random nonsense, don't let it affect your self esteem (easier said than done of course!)

You don't need to be anything other than 100% your authentic self. If he wants to be a committed and good man for you, he will find ways to do so. Trust you are enough.

Does he ever say anything that makes you feel like you aren't or is it just his childish instagram?

You're a single mum and you work full time. I'm a single mum working part time and I'm nearly dead from exhaustion. You're a super woman! He should appreciate that. You don't have to make yourself more exciting. Never try and make yourself 'better' for a man.

He is not too good for you. No-one is. In fact I'd see the following loads of girls on Instagram as a yellow flag. I'd find that pretty off putting.

Does he ever say anything that makes you feel like you aren't or is it just his childish instagram?

Other than his Instagram he doesn't do or say anything at all to make me feel this way he's very complimentary etc

He is not too good for you. No-one is. In fact I'd see the following loads of girls on Instagram as a yellow flag. I'd find that pretty off putting.

Thanks @CrumpetStrumpet 😊
Completely agree about it being a yellow flag, I don't like it myself. It just seems really immature to me but I'm between the generations where this is a bit weird and where it seems the norm. I'd say I've noticed it more so through OLD. I don't follow anyone on Instagram until we've had at least a couple of dates but when I do there seems to be a trend between single men following and liking pictures of girls they've matched with online. It's so so off putting but I don't think he's alone in doing it.

Similarly if you look at Instagram profiles of a lot of girls my age they seem to vary vastly depending on whether the person has been single for a few years or not.

It almost feels like an extension of online dating apps which is maybe why it bothers me. It's never something I've been into myself (posed selfies etc)

Please just be you. That is who he's attracted to, so why would you change? Plus, you should never pretend to be someone you aren't when dating. You could end up twisting yourself up pretending to be something else forever. He either likes who you are, or he doesn't. And if he doesn't, the sooner you find that out the better, for both your sakes.

When I met my DH, there was zero game-playing from him and it was so refreshing. I responded in the same way. It meant from the start we understood what the other wanted (and had a chance to walk away if we didn't like it), were absolutely honest and both knew where we stood.

The instagram thing is off-putting. Don't compare yourself to those people, and if you get a hint that he's doing that, stand up for yourself and walk away, don't try to be something you're not.

I agree with PP game playing isn't a basis for a long term relationship.
Single mum working full time?
You're not going to be 'living your best life' and flying off on adventures and drinking in exotic bars til dawn.
What's the point of faking something to draw him in when he's already interested in the real you?
I'm not into the guys following sexy girls on insta - but equally if you saw my insta feed it wouldn't give you a very accurate picture of the things I'm really interested in, the algorithms choose what I see, not me!

Just relax and enjoy whatever this turns out to be, no point tying yourself up in knots, he obviously doesn't think you're not good enough for him

Always be yourself.

Thanks for all the advice. I've seen him again this week and just been myself.

I actually feel like it's going pretty well but just have the whole Instagram thing in the back of my head as a red flag.....

Tbh if it was celebs or models with 100,000's of followers but for some reason when it's someone 'Normal' (albeit stunning) that lives local, it comes across as some kinda attempt at flirting to me. Why like or compliment someone's photo if you're not hoping for a response??

The Instagram thing makes me think that if any of these girls were interested in him in return he'd see them as a better option

@candles1298

The Instagram thing makes me think that if any of these girls were interested in him in return he'd see them as a better option

I think you need to have a chat with him about this as it's undermining how you feel about him and yourself. Has there been any likes or messages that you've seen since he started seeing you? If he's a decent bloke and values an actual relationship he will drop the instagram likes of these women like a hot brick.

Your insecurities are normal - you are probably exhausted - just give yourself a break. You don't have to be anything apart from yourself. If he wants an illusion he can have it. You deserve a man who understands reality.

Also re the instagram - I work with a lot of young women who have instagrams - these are young attractive women in their twenties and thirties.

But... of them look like they do in their instagram pictures. Not a single one.

Don't be so down on yourself, your a single mum working full time, providing for your family, that is something to be admired. Honestly Ive come across quite a few single men without children that can hardly provide for themselves.
Be proud of who you are.
I wouldn't worry how exciting other women seem on instagram, pictures aside they are the same as anyone else it's just that they post pictures of themselves endlessly, I see that as boring.
I would see it a bit of a red flag though that he follows a lot of women, a sign that he likes to keep looking and not ready for a relationship.