Need support and strength

[Grenola]

Hi,
Please can I hear your experiences…. I need hope it is going to be ok. That I am going to be ok.

My marriage has broken down and he is looking for a place to move to.

I am heartbroken, but know it is the the right next move for everyone’s happiness.

We just don’t work…. We’ve had worse times than now. Really terrible times but we both can’t try anymore.

I’m scared…. I have three children, middle one is disabled abs I am a full time student.
Can I make this work? Will it be ok?

I feel so alone, I always do. A bad marriage is the loneliest of places. But I feel alone with this breakup.

Hey OP - you will be OK, I promise you. When something isn't working, it's OK to let it go and bring positivity into your life. I've been in a bad relationship and it's soul destroying, and although I'm struggling through feelings still six months on, I know I'm happier and more comfortable in myself because I'm not going to be judged or criticised.

Do you have friends and family around you? Are there any domestic abuse issues that you could get support from with Woman's Aid?

Thanks. No abuse. We had a bad few years where he was emotional abusive but that changed.

I have friends and family, my family are loving but aren’t great emotional support but will just fire questions about how I will cope ect… it will be stressfull telling them.

It just seems so much to cope with alone. Will I be able to finish my nurse training? Can I juggle all of that.
Altho I do all of the organising now, he does provide help with shifts ect…
I just don’t know how to feel.
I feel like a failure and most things that could go wrong in my life have now. It’s just such a battle all the time and I just want happiness and progression.

I would say if you suffered emotional abuse for any length of time, that is too much. It also traps you in the trauma bond with your husband hoping he will change and revert back to the person he was. What changed?

I know what you mean about family and emotional support. Mine are baffled as to why I'm still torturing myself over what happened because they can't and couldn't stand him when I was with him for good reason. But you will cope - there are so many of us who can attest to that.

With the nurses training - could you defer for a year to get yourself on your feet? I'm not sure if this is a possibility (sorry) but might be something to consider.

What I did was focus on the practicalities initially - what can I afford, where should I live, how will I juggle full time work and a school aged child. I knew that my ex DP would only want weekend access, so I quickly formulated a plan that worked for me as I knew he wouldn't want to get involved with anything flexible. I learnt quickly not to rely on him if anything went "wrong" and got my family on side to help with any emergencies.

I also felt and feel to some extent like a failure - I'm 37, never been married, single mum. But I also have a brilliant job, a lovely home and a gorgeous child who I love more than anything. Being in a horrible relationship is much worse than being alone and focusing on yourself. You will have happiness, and you will progress - it might just take a little bit of time x

Than you for replying. It helps a lot.

I can’t defer, I’m nearly 41 and can’t delay the ability to earn now.

Yeah I know I need to find myself again, and I can see that removing the anxiety the relationship brings will give me headspace and energy to cope with everything else.

It’s a lot with my disabled child, I need to see if there is any support social services can give maybe. Some respite ect… he starts school September which should help.

It’s just a lot isn’t it. I want to be loved so much, but I don’t feel it now. So surely it won’t make such a difference being alone.

I may try and access some councillong via uni for someone to talk it though with