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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

7months pregnant in a abusive relationship

16 replies

nikita22 · 21/03/2022 21:26

Hello I need some advice, I feel so stuck or in prisoned shall I say, long story short started from mentally abusing me to then physically hitting me leaving me with a black eye which was around 6-7 months ago before we found out I was pregnant I was stupid enough to go back to him as he was acting like he was back to the sweet innocent man that he was before and I wanted to give us a change at a real family but iv found my self having to hide in the bathroom from his screams and him throwing things around the house breaking my furniture etc, calling every name under the sun telling me he will take the baby from me when he's born and when iv said I would call the police he's threatened my family and I know police wouldn't do much even if he went away for a little bit he would sill come out and be more of a danger to me and my family, I really don't know what to do any advice will be appreciated

OP posts:

Kellyagain · 21/03/2022 21:38

Have you got any family you can go to? There is no way he will be allowed to keep the baby. However, social services would not like you being with him with the baby because of the violence. You need to get to a safe place for you and your baby.
Can you talk to your midwife?

Original poster

nikita22 · 21/03/2022 21:55

@Kellyagain I know that legally he woudnt he value to keep the baby but I think he meant running away with the baby and my family actually have no idea about any of it I haven't told anyone iv been too ashamed but it's got to the point I left my own house tonight currently sitting on a bench trying to book a hotel, I guess I could try to talk to midwife but then again it would just bounce back on me as he would probably try hurting my family to punish me

OP posts:

simplelife100 · 21/03/2022 21:57

Get away from him as fast as possible, worse case of police are called to your home by neighbors once your baby is here social service will be involved police have to inform them when they are called to domestic for safe guarding, contact woman aid they will give you help and advise don't raise your child around this monster. Woman where I lived didn't get rid of her scum bag partner All 3 of her children where taken from her obviously more to the story but she was told to pick and she chose the bully over her children

Kellyagain · 21/03/2022 21:58

His threats are all part of the abuse and are designed to scare and isolate you and keep you with him. You need to be brave enough to leave and know the support will be there. I know it’s hard but I promise you it will be harder to stay. A little short term doing something that scares you but you will be much better off

BoodleBug51 · 21/03/2022 21:58

You need to get away from him.

Google your nearest Police station, walk in and ask for help.

There is a better way to live. Honestly.

crystalize · 21/03/2022 22:18

You must call the police, have him removed from your home. I hope you've managed to go somewhere away from him tonight.
Please reach out and also call womens aid for support

StarsandStones · 21/03/2022 22:23

Please don't go back! Your baby is also your family. When a baby lives in this situation it is damaging to them.

Talk to people, womens aid, police, family. Make clear you are afraid for everyone's safety. Make sure he doesn't get on a birth certificate... find help and a better life.

StarsandStones · 22/03/2022 16:16

Dear OP, how are you today?

Original poster

nikita22 · 22/03/2022 16:32

Thank all of you for the advice x
@StarsandStones I'm not too bad I'm back home waiting for him to come collect all his stuff from my house

OP posts:

StarsandStones · 22/03/2022 16:38

Do you have someone with you, so you are safe? Or someone to check in with to let them know that he is gone? Is your baby with you?

Stay safe and stay strong!

layladomino · 22/03/2022 19:38

Are you safe Nikita?

Pinkyxx · 22/03/2022 20:00

I was in your shoes 14 years ago. It all started (or at least the physical abuse did) around my falling pregnant. I was beaten unconscious several times, strangled, thrown down stair so hard I now have permanent damage to my back. I asked him to leave numerous times, even had his Mother remove him once. Each time he weaseled his way back, contrite, reformed.... I relented. I gave birth to a premature baby who was very unwell and was left infertile. The abuse increased, the violence got worse. He threatened to take our child, make sure I'd never see them, bankrupt me, ruin me, render me homeless. He moved out dozens of times in DCs first 2 years. He then locked me out of my home that I owned. I was homeless with a toddler. Women's Aid helped me to understand I was being abused ( I sincerely didn't realize - he had always insisted I made him behave this way so it was all my fault). He subjected me to years of litigation, false abuse claims, spurious reports to social services and all but bankrupt me. His abuse continues to this day, albeit he is no longer allowed near me & his contact with our child is strictly defined. I did not realise it at the time, but I was warned, abuse impact a child in the womb, a baby, a toddler. I have watched this unfold for the 13 years of our daughter's life and all the difficulties it has caused her. I will never forgive myself for the damage I did to my own child by remaining in a home with him. She has been in therapy at the insistence of social services for years. She barely speaks to him and goes to see him out of a sense of duty alone. The impact on infants is absolute and tremendous, even if indiscernible at the time.

The best advice I can give you is to call a locksmith and change the locks. Put his stuff outside. Call the police and explain what has been happening, that you don't feel safe and ask for help. Call and call again until you are listened to. Don't communicate with him again and leave it to him to take you to court for access. Don't look back, be strong, you can do this.

StarsandStones · 23/03/2022 14:49

Dear OP, please let us know how you are doing.

DaisyDeli · 23/03/2022 15:16

OP, how are you today ?

Dumdeedahdumdeedo · 23/03/2022 20:10

OP I was in an abusive relationship for 7 years and I had 2 children to him. I finally left when my youngest was 8 months old, took him to court over the abuse, he was found guilty and not allowed to contact or communicate with me or the kids

Please, leave now while you can. It will be harder to leave when your sleep deprived with a young baby. He will use the baby as a weapon, he's already threatened to hasnt he

I barely ate throughout my last pregnancy and had to be induced due to IUGR, I believe that the stress and worry throughout the pregnancy contributed to this.

Honestly, try and leave and don't let him weasel his way in

I'd go as far as to say dont out him on your baby s birth certificate, it cause a no end of drama and upset. He can still be involved in the babies life without the birth certificate but if you put him on it it will mean he will be able to bully and control you via your child for years to come

SophieSoSo · 23/03/2022 20:45

I hope you’re safe OP

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