Hi, right. This is a VERY long one. I was 18 when I met my ex partner (he was 26). We met through work and he had a fiancé. 2 months down the line we were in a relationship after he had left his partner. He maintained he was unhappy and told her he had met me. I believed everything he told me about how miserable his life was, and how she put him down all the time, etc (naïve). He has a daughter (who was 2 at the time). He promised me that this would never happen, he loved me and wouldn’t put me in the same situation. So, together for just over 3 years we were engaged and fell pregnant with our son.
We moved house, got a dog. Covid hit during my pregnancy, and I lost my grandad. Our son was born in Oct 2020 and just after Christmas I found messages on his iPad asking to take a girl for a drink. I confronted him and he cried, begged and pleaded and promised it wouldn’t happen again. So fast forward to June 2021, I went back to work and my mental health took a massive turn. I didn’t speak to anyone but it was becoming noticeable I wasn’t ok. He said I was lazy etc and needed to get housework done and do the food-shop with my son (my anxiety became that unbearable that I couldn’t do that). I had bailed him out of his considerable debt in the September and told him things would get better once we were married in Aug 22. He does having a drinking problem and is aware himself of that. Christmas arrives and I finally reached out for help for my mental health. A week later, he turns to me and says ‘I don’t want to be a part of your problem’. That hurt me and he did apologise. I did notice that the phone hiding had started and he took it everywhere. Then on the 2nd Jan this year, I found a red hair on my son’s bottle. I asked him about this and he played dumb but I knew something was wrong. He then tells me he had been speaking to a woman who is best friends with his brother’s girlfriend. He had feelings. She rang me crying saying nothing was going on etc etc. I left and prayed he would realise he made a mistake. They carried on talking and now 3 months later, he’s telling me that they’re ‘basically’ in a relationship. I confronted her and she denied this. She has recently lost her baby, and left a relationship herself, why would she want a man who has some serious commitment issues? I asked her to let me try and get my family back but she’s beating around the bush. I feel like I want to take my one year old away and not come back. I miss my home, and step daughter and my dog. I saw my step daughter at a party (one that he and she was at) and she ran, hugged me and told me that she missed me. Her step father told me that she called me the best step mummy ever. But it feels like they’re not seeing the damage they’re doing. His family are furious, and have barely spoken since all of this. I asked her what he said to her, she said he maintained he was unhappy and would have left anyway (which is 💩 because that’s what he said to me).
Because of my hurt and upset I feel like I have pushed them closer together. She pretends she cares about me and keeps saying sorry? He lets her fight for it all, even though she’s told me and her friend that he’s a narcissist and doesn’t know whether she wants to be with him. She is a single parent after separating from her partner in January as well. I don’t know what to do, I want him back but I don’t at the same time. He has always said that he never goes back. But I did everything for his family, daughter etc but it feels like it was never enough. I feel like I am better off, but worried I won’t find anyone because of having a son. I’d have to online date, but I’m not thinking of dating right now.
Advice/help?! Please?! Thanks ladies xx