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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Been accused of being an OW, when I am not!

10 replies

bonfireheart · 21/03/2022 20:22

Am absolutely raging and need to calm down.

In the summer, I got a message on Facebook. It was an ex I had gone out with for a few months in uni, hadn't seen him in 20 years. He told me he was married but I was the love of his life and he wanted to be with me. He had a messed up childhood and doesnt understand social norms. I ignored him and blocked him.

Then I started getting messages from his wife saying that his feelings for me were ruining their marriage. I felt for her and sent her screenshot of his message and said I wished them well but this wasn't drama I wanted to be part of.

Since then he keeps finding ways of contacting me online and I keep blocking him.

I've had dozens of missed calls via Facebook messenger and messages from his wife telling me to leave him alone. Have blocked her now too, was a total oversight that I didn't first. But what if she also she is creates new accounts and continues to message me? My Facebook has really high security settings and the messages have been going into my spam and I've only seen them now and feel angry/annoyed and even scared that these two are going to escalate their behaviour...I don't know how or why, but it's really disconcerting.
I want nothing to do with either of them and wish they'd disappear. He has form for lying, throughout uni he told he was adopted when he wasn't, he even lied about his ethnicity!! So I have no idea what he has been telling his wife.

Apart from ignoring and blocking what can I do?

OP posts:
jytdtysrht · 21/03/2022 20:23

Go to the police and tell them you are being harrassed.

BlanketsBanned · 21/03/2022 20:26

Yes you need to report this to the police

Elnetthairnet · 21/03/2022 20:27

Go to the police. They are both harassing you.

SailingNotSurfing · 21/03/2022 20:27

This is online harassment and I would call the non-emergency police number for advice. Keep screenshots of the messages. A visit from PC Plod might be just the thing to stop the pair of them in their tracks.

CookiesAndMilk97 · 21/03/2022 20:28

File it with the police.

tribpot · 21/03/2022 20:37

Yes, report to the police and to the platforms as cyber bullying. Some info from Facebook here . I think you should be able to lock down your Facebook account so that you don't receive any message requests, there is an option for 'Don't receive requests'.

bonfireheart · 21/03/2022 20:40

Thank you esp for that advice re:Facebook. I try to live a quiet life so really don't need this!

OP posts:
CookiesAndMilk97 · 21/03/2022 20:54

Also make it so he can't search for you, you can hide your profile from the search bar if you don't have any mutual friends he won't be able to find you. It's in the privacy settings.

SucculentChalice · 21/03/2022 22:33

What an odd man! It sounds like his wife doesn't have any idea what he is really like. Due to that and it being very persistent when you have clearly told him to leave you alone, I echo going to the police so they can warn him to leave you alone.

TillyTopper · 22/03/2022 18:57

Keep a log of all events - who contacts you, how, when they contact you and what happens. Take it to the police because it is harassment. Unfortunately I also had a guy who stalked me in this way - so I really feel for you. It was several years ago now and the police did zero, but I believe they are more aware and supportive now. My dad (bless him) had to have words with him (nothing physical obviously) and that scared him off - but it's a nightmare so I feel for you.

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