I don’t want sex with my husband

[Missy80]

I often have sex with my husband to just shut him up. I’m seen as the bad one if I don’t want it and I just give in for peace and quiet.

I often enjoy it once we’re into it but I just sometimes can’t be bothered and would like affection in other ways.

I’ve decided I’m now going to say no sometimes and mean it. Do women actually do this? Sorry if I sound like a stepford wife here.

I suppose I’m asking if it’s normal to want to say no and I’m wanting experiences of husbands understanding this…..

If your husband doesn't understand no and accept it, you have very serious problems. If he pressures you, sulks when he doesn't get his way, or displays any other forms of abuse or coercion, you need to leave him. Decent men are not like this.

Do you not get any affection at all if it isn't leading to sex?
Is your relationship otherwise good?

@HellToTheNope

If your husband doesn't understand no and accept it, you have very serious problems. If he pressures you, sulks when he doesn't get his way, or displays any other forms of abuse or coercion, you need to leave him. Decent men are not like this.

And to add, I'm not surprised you don't feel lik it if you're being coerced by sulking or pestering. It's a huge turn off besides the even bigger issues around potentially abusive behaviour.

Of course you can say no, and he has to accept how you feel. If the marriage is generally good, but you feel a little neglected, then tell him. He is not a mindreader, neither are you. Say you want more help, more kindness, being spoilt sometimes, affection without the trade off of sex.

If he acts the arse and sulks and shuts you down, I would rethink the relationship.

Lots of women say OK to sex when they are not particularly interested, and provided they are not hating it, its not a big deal if you love someone and want to make them happy, but the important thing is they do the same for you in ways that do make you happy.

Our relationship is actually ok, he’s not the most emotional or affectionate of people but I’ve known that prior to our marriage 15 years ago.

I’ve been through a difficult time lately with nursing my mum through cancer and I just needed more emotional support.
Since then, I just think why am I bothering to have sex with him when he couldn’t supply the basics when I needed it. I’ve explained his lack of emotion has hurt me, he just doesn’t get it.

Of course you can say no. I would always say no if I wasn't feeling it. Man or woman, if one of you says no, the other one should just accept with no pestering and no judgement. A couple isn't always in the mood at the same time.

You don't seem happy with this man. His lack of support doesn't suggest he's a good partner. With a time like you are going through, your husband should be the one person who supports you through anything.

how often does he pester you? Of course it is normal to say no but it isnt normal to have to say no a lot - if he is pestering you to this degree that is awful

Lack of support as well would be a big thing