Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Its like life brought us together but...

7 replies

Waiting4u7 · 21/03/2022 17:49

In September 2020 my son threw his ball out into the road and my neighbours ground worker brought it back and had a friendly chat to us. Something instantly clicked in me. It had never happened before. It was like I had to know him. He was working there for another 6 weeks and he was always friendly. I remember at the time feeling like I knew he was single but there was something about him that made me feel he was also struggling. It was the weirdest thing. But the way he looked over and conversations made Me think he was interested too. A month after he left I couldn't forget his face. I asked my neighbour about him and she told me his first name. I sent him a friend request and he messaged me straight away and remembered me. He was single. He was 2 years single. He then told me he had started drinking heavily after the split and took an overdose. He was restarting and no longer drinking. We just talked for a couple of months and we'd meet up and chat. We had alot of feelings but looking back he hadn't sorted his head out back then. After 4 months of talking we ended up falling out. I was sad and I never stopped thinking about him. He did speak to me for a few weeks again but we couldnt seem to get going. He was friends with his ex but they didn't want to be together. It was like he was trying to be in my life but needed the ex to be in the picture as he was holding all this guilt. I told him I couldn't deal with it anymore. I said whilst his ex was still hanging around he couldn't get close to anyone else. We had another 6 weeks when we didn't talk. I missed him terribly but tried to carry on. Every day I thought about him. He used to send me gifts and we'd talk for hours. I always missed him. Then in July last year I woke up to a message. We spoke for 2 weeks then arranged to meet up. He was definitely clearer in his mind. He explained alot about his ex and why he wasn't interested in her like that. He told me that for 10 months I was all he thought about and he knew he was going to loose me and was ready to put his heart and 100% into us. So we finally became us. A couple. He was earning £800 a week. He had a car. We started planning our lives then he ended up with his back collapsing at the bottom squishing all his nerves. He was in agony and 6 weeks into our relationship he had no choice but to stop working. We've muddled through 8 months now. We've got nothing to enjoy our relationship with. He's awaiting a decision from the hospital for surgery. We can't go out because he's in agony and skint. We use the tiny bit of money I can spare to cook meals together. We go for walks when we can. He is so skint I got nothing for Christmas. Nothing for valentines and now it's my birthday next week. I'll get nothing for that. It's not that I want gifts but it's our firsts and we are Nassington everything. He's depressed on top of loosing his home as he can't pay his rent.

He's awaiting help. He's applied for pip. But right now this is our relationship. I know if he gets sorted we could have a really happy relationship. But right now we have no answers. My heart wants to stay. My head is scared I'm going to end up loosing him because of thingscwe can't control in life. He needs me so much right now for support. He doesn't deserve to loose me because of whats happened.

I knew from the moment we spoke I wanted him. But I can't believe how things have turned out. I'm just looking for some kind words or experiences. Feeling pretty sad right now. We spend alot of time trying to sort his problems and I spend alot of time on the phone trying to fight his corner and get advice. It's actually really getting to me now. I feel at my limit. Its not that I want to quit. I'm just hoping someone might have a positive story to tell.

OP posts:
Walkingalot · 21/03/2022 18:35

Where is he living now or, where will he live if he loses his home?

How old are you and what is your situation - children?

Whatever the outcome of his health situation, sounds like it could a long road before he's fully on his feet.

I think you need to take off the rose tinted specs and stop thinking this was meant to be but if only ........

Difficult, I've been there.

Nnique · 24/03/2022 20:22
Flowers

I get that this is incredibly difficult for you both.

I haven’t got any advice or words of wisdom I’m afraid, but I’m sending you good wishes and positive vibes.

I hope you find the strength to do what’s right for you.

Bananalanacake · 25/03/2022 08:47

Don't let him move in with you, not your job to look after him, adults can look after themselves.

Imperfectp3rf3ction · 25/03/2022 19:41

I had a similar situation of where I just knew he was the one! And fudgeee me I think just about everything possible in the world was thrown at us and it would have been easier to walk away ( at one point I did but it only lasted 2 days ) each time things hit the shitter we decided its just the way its meant to be to prove we can come through anything. Now we've come through and honestly this relationship is like something unreal. Hold on it isn't his fault nor yours. Make memories for your firsts instead of gifts

Traumdeuter · 25/03/2022 19:49

So… you met someone, and after a lot of drama and falling out, you started seeing each other, then he had an accident and can no longer work, and you’re sad because he can’t buy you gifts?

I am a bit confused. If it’s true love/meant to be/whatever, then why do material things matter? I do agree it’s very difficult to support someone with a health condition that limits them so, but you need to be rational about it.

AnneLovesGilbert · 25/03/2022 20:00

What are you currently getting from the relationship? You’re investing masses of time and energy in someone who doesn’t seem to have brought you much fun or happiness. On the contrary it sounds like a lot of drama, angst, loneliness, sadness, disappointment.

You have a young son, is your life currently well served by giving so much of yourself to someone who’s life is so complicated or difficult?

Where’s he going to live when he can’t stay where he is? Is he expecting you to care for him if he has surgery? What impact will that have on your son?

It might not be what you’re looking for but if you need someone to say it’s okay to realise something you had high hopes for isn’t what it seemed and to walk away then take this as exactly that. You don’t owe him anything. You had a good feeling about it but the reality is a different kettle of fish. Don’t let him drag you down.

AnneLovesGilbert · 25/03/2022 20:02

I also get he’s skint and in pain but did he not get/make you a card or offer to make a meal for valentines or Christmas? Is that not pretty crap if these occasions mean something to you?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page