No contact support thread

[SophieSoSo]

Is there a NC thread running currently? I couldn’t see one and really need the support (and accountability!) they seem to give.

Day one for me. Usual story, abusive ex who leaves often and comes back later on. Taking all of my willpower to not text him and start the same cycle again.

So I broke.

We got into a text message argument this morning with him telling me he’s done etc etc etc.

I replied saying I wanted no contact (he text from a different number) because I knew that if I didn’t speak to him I’d be feeling much better in a week, and then got told how much that hurt him and “thanks for that”, he knows I just want to hurt him….

I mean what the fuck?!

@sophiesoso blame shifting at its finest, just ignore it and dont respond to any messages he sends x

I cant recommend the Freedom Programme highly enough. But don't bother with it online, you just wint get the same experience from the women who run it, guest speakers and the other women going through it or who have been through it. You shouldn't need to pay for it either, contact your local woman's aid who will direct you. For me, the in person Freedom Programme was pivotal in my life. Its an absolute must

Well, I caved. Demanded closure. Got told something that made it easier. Then demanded more closure and had a bust up conversation which any nice thing he said during break up, anything he took ownership of, and I had made peace with - he did not stand by. And blamed me. Yet again.

I actually was doing really well. And I had one weak moment and my phone was open and I sent the text asking to talk that I regret. I actually can't tell any of my friends or family, they will be so disappointed in me.

I feel worse. Tomorrow is day 1 again.

@User838960

Well, I caved. Demanded closure. Got told something that made it easier. Then demanded more closure and had a bust up conversation which any nice thing he said during break up, anything he took ownership of, and I had made peace with - he did not stand by. And blamed me. Yet again.

I actually was doing really well. And I had one weak moment and my phone was open and I sent the text asking to talk that I regret. I actually can't tell any of my friends or family, they will be so disappointed in me.

I feel worse. Tomorrow is day 1 again.

Crazy making. This is what they do. My ex is brilliant at it - for all the times he's blamed himself or suggested he was at fault and remorseful, he has a hundred instances where he's firmly put the blame at my feet. He has flipped from one extreme to the next with me in a matter of days.

It's confusing and torturous. Honestly, the best thing you can do is remove him from your phone and not engage. I'm now at a point where I will only discuss anything to do with my son with my ex. Do I want to engage in closure and understanding how he feels? Yes. But ultimately it will bring me absolutely no closure whatsoever because my ex will only tell me what he feels at any given moment and it chops and changes all the time.

Yep it's the flipping their argument in a matter of moments that I find so baffling. How can they not see how mental it is?!

I was going to block him but then I thought I'd still have the number there in a weak moment so I've deleted instead. He still owes me money so hopefully I will get that in 2 weeks.

It's never the closure you actually think it will be. Just a conversation full of gaslighting and manipulation. I hate how many times I've fallen for it.

Your first post @PollyDarton1 really resonates with me and is exactly how I'm feeling now. He is walking away, but I want him to want me and I want to be the one who has walked away. For the past few weeks I have been so adamant that I would never go back there but as soon as I heard he didn't want to it flipped me 180 degrees and I wanted him to fight for me. So so messed up. The trauma bond is very real and scares me a little bit. I hope to never find myself in this situation again.

How are you getting on @SophieSoSo