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Original poster

My Dad has had an affair, the 'other woman' keeps trying to contact me?

50 replies

greatweekendnot · 21/03/2022 00:21

My Dad has been having an affair with this woman. It's ended now, but she keeps trying to contact me. She has asked someone for my phone number and has sent me a friend request on Facebook.

I don't know her at all and have never seen or spoken to her.

Why would she want to contact me? She has spoken to my Mum (she showed up at my parents' house) and I have siblings too and she's not adding them on Facebook.

I'm confused.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 21/03/2022 07:52

Am I the only one who'd want to hear what she has to say?

callmeblondie · 21/03/2022 07:54

@girlmom21

Am I the only one who'd want to hear what she has to say?
No. I would want to know too.
WhatNoRaisins · 21/03/2022 08:02

I'd stay out of it, watch a soap if you feel your life could do with more drama.

girlmom21 · 21/03/2022 08:12

@WhatNoRaisins

I'd stay out of it, watch a soap if you feel your life could do with more drama.
It's not about drama - it's about knowing the whole story. It's fine for her mom to forgive her dad without it but if it was me I'd want to know as much information as I could before I decided what I wanted to do.
WhatNoRaisins · 21/03/2022 08:33

I wouldn't myself. It's between her parents.

musicviking1 · 21/03/2022 08:53

Block her and ensure all your privacy settings on your Facebook account are locked down. You need to make sure none of your photos or posts have an earth next to them as these are then open for anyone to see.

MayaWasSackedForGCBeliefs · 21/03/2022 09:04

My dads ex girlfriend did this once. She wanted to befriend me as part of a wider stalking net of hers.

I'd ignore if I were you.

Sassbott · 21/03/2022 09:06

@ChudraWouldaShouldya any unwanted / non responsive contact (more than twice) is technically harassment.

@greatweekendnot if you haven’t already send a message somewhere stating clearly that you do not want any contact and that she needs to leave you alone. Then do not reply any further as that ‘resets’ the count so to speak. Keep a record of everything. Screenshots etc and email them to yourself.

If she then continues to try and make contact (more than two contacts) then yes it is harassment and the police will happily give her a call as the first warning (or log as an incident if you prefer).

NaomhPadraigin · 21/03/2022 09:08

Did your parents stay together? I'd just block her and move on.

HollowTalk · 21/03/2022 09:12

I would want to know what she had to say and I'd feel free to tell her what I thought of her, too.

AuntieStella · 21/03/2022 09:13

@girlmom21

Am I the only one who'd want to hear what she has to say?
No!

I would want to know what was going on.

And I would listen, and drill myself beforehand to say nothing back (people tend to run out of steam quicker if left to rattle on) and them when they finally stop, just a formal acknowledgement that I'd heard what they'd said, and that I do not wish for any further contact (unless there is something like a new baby in the mix, in which case it would be more along the lines of 'I think that's everything for today')

But if you think you're at all likely to be sucked in to more dialogue, better to just ignore and block.

PerpetualStudent · 21/03/2022 09:20

My mum’s OM used to call the house when I was 11-12. Despite being a shy little thing I took great joy in telling him to fuck off. I have never once regretted it or wondered what he had to say in the 25 years since.

Marineboy67 · 21/03/2022 10:23

ChudraWouldaShouldya
You ought to note than any repeated unwanted attention & contact from anyone is classed as harassment.

CleverKnot · 21/03/2022 12:10

I'd be so curious I couldn't resist meeting her.
Totally sane choice not to meet her, of course.
Probably it's her way of not letting go of him.
You Don't want to know what is her weird obsession.

BOOTS52 · 21/03/2022 13:36

She was probably lied to and told lots of things and then just dumped so is feeling out of sorts but it is not on for her contacting you at all. It is your dad who is in the wrong here and have you spoken to him about it all, women always get blamed but he is the one who is married. I would talk to my dad and I would message the woman and say sorry I am staying out of it all and please do not try to contact me again or I will report it.

SW1amp · 21/03/2022 14:01

@Marineboy67

ChudraWouldaShouldya You ought to note than any repeated unwanted attention & contact from anyone is classed as harassment.
Classed by who?

The legal definition is two or more incidents which cause harm or distress, or the fear of violence, and would be expected to cause dear or alarm in any reasonable person

‘Unwanted contact’ that is merely annoying is not harassment

Onthedunes · 21/03/2022 14:57

How old are you op?

You obviously can't understand the dynamics of affairs if you are young and I think this womean is being incredibly manipulative to contact you.

Her intentions are selfish and immature, have you told your mother?

If not I think you should, this woman sounds unstable and your father should take more responsibility for allowing this woman to have access to his family.
Keep the messages, if her behaviour escalates the police may have to be involved, this is not normal behaviour for an ow, she has overstepped and lost control.

I think the police would class this as harrasment, contacting his children.

ImAvingOops · 21/03/2022 15:23

I'd tell my dad. This is entirely a mess of go making and he ought to be telling her back the fuck off! I'd be really mad with him and would tell him that his shit behaviour has already upset the whole family without having his nutter ow trying to contact you repeatedly. Make him deal with the consequences

DoWhatYouLike · 21/03/2022 16:17

Just block her on everything

Calennig · 21/03/2022 16:23

My dads ex girlfriend did this once. She wanted to befriend me as part of a wider stalking net of hers.

I wonderd if it was this - or to put her "side".

Honestly I'd just block and try and avoid being dragged into the drama any futher.

MayaWasSackedForGCBeliefs · 22/03/2022 11:27

I wonderd if it was this - or to put her "side".

I wondered this too (my Dad is no prince among men) so initially fell for her befriending. Turns out she was clearly off the rails and engaging in increasingly disturbing behaviour towards my father and all of us she could engage with. My father didn't help matters and in the early conversations I had with her I encouraged her to forget about him and work on reestablishing her self respect - she deserved someone who could give her more than he was prepared to give. Oh and he was clearly saying the relationship is over & she wouldnt accept that. If he was as bad as she said he was, why on earth was she trying to force him to be in a relationship with her? They were probably as bad as each other - but she should not have tried to drag his children into the messy situation.

Blocking and not engaging earlier would have saved everyone a lot of unnecessary drama & hassle.

Foody8410 · 22/03/2022 14:21

I couldn't handle the not knowing what she wanted so I would message her to ask what she wants? Then block her if she's being an idiot

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 22/03/2022 15:06

How old are you? And do your mum and dad know this person is contacting you?

NowEvenBetter · 22/03/2022 17:57

Make your father sort this, his self indulgence lifestyle choices have caused this and he’ll need to clean up the mess he made.

girlmom21 · 23/03/2022 07:00

@NowEvenBetter

Make your father sort this, his self indulgence lifestyle choices have caused this and he’ll need to clean up the mess he made.
I don't know that that's fair on her mother though - to insist her father makes contact again
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