How to move on

[sparklestars1]

Hi, I've lurked on here for years but decided to now post as I am really really struggling.
My partner of almost 3 years and myself have split. It started with him being slightly distant and also having this new female friend (his job means a lot of his friends are female so never been an issue) however he wouldn't stop raving about this new friend, I have been under a lot of stress with other things so I kind of blew up and accused him of hiding something with her. This ensued in him telling me he has been distant not because of this but that he isn't sure if a life with me and my kids is for him (he's met them a handful of times but I didn't want to introduce until I was divorced so he didn't meet them until 2 years later) I feel completely broken utterly in pieces. I had to go home from work three times because I can't stop crying. He asked for time to think about whether he should be in this relationship because as well as that he's thinking about the way I was so angry with him, that he's never really been single, partly Curious as to what that's like. I have been completely shocked, I have never felt for anyone like I feel for him. I feel like a zombie just going through the motions of my day and heartbroken. I know it sounds dramatic but I've never known a pain like it. I can't stop thinking about all the little things I no longer have. He was so different to any other man I've been with. Caring, kind, considerate, wonderful to me, finally made me feel like I was worth something but now I am in pieces. He texts me good morning everyday and little texts throughout the day and I don't know why. I've told him I love him etc and he doesn't want to be bombarded with all that which I get. I just don't know what is happening and how I can move forward. I don't really have any real life friends, a couple of work colleagues and my family live far away. I feel so alone this weekend has been so hard. I don't know what to do. I feel in utter despair and cannot get him off my brain no matter what I do. For me he was the one and until two weeks ago I thought he felt the same. He's always been the more attentive, loving one and now I feel like he's gone cold and I'm broken

Sorry you're feeling this pain. I think it would be advisable to give him the space he has requested. It's horrible not having a friend you can turn to in times like these but forums can be really helpful so keep posting.

Break ups are so tough, but with him still being in contact you are not making this any easier on yourself. You will be in a permanent limbo waiting for him to make a decision. My advice would be to act as if you are single and make decisions based on that. Distract yourself as much as you can. Get decluttering/cleaning/learn to do something from YouTube/excercise whatever you need to do to stop checking your phone and while the time away. Become less available to him. Let him see that you have accepted his decision and you are moving on with your life without him. He's been very honest with you that perhaps he wants to experience a bit more before he settles down. Many men can't be honest and do the "experiencing" but whilst in relationships...

I always recommend the book "It's called a breakup because it's broken". An easy read, not too deep and meaningful but will certainly get you through the first few weeks post breakup.

I had to go home from work three times because I can't stop crying.

Could you be suffering with some underlying issues like anxiety or depression? I've never known anyone to leave work three times in a circumstance like this, yea for much more serious issues.
Please work on yourself, don't worry about him , if it's over then it wasn't meant to be. You are not alone and everyone goes through heartbreak. It's rubbish and hard but it's not permanent. Good luck op

@CamsPaisleyCuffs

Break ups are so tough, but with him still being in contact you are not making this any easier on yourself. You will be in a permanent limbo waiting for him to make a decision. My advice would be to act as if you are single and make decisions based on that. Distract yourself as much as you can. Get decluttering/cleaning/learn to do something from YouTube/excercise whatever you need to do to stop checking your phone and while the time away. Become less available to him. Let him see that you have accepted his decision and you are moving on with your life without him. He's been very honest with you that perhaps he wants to experience a bit more before he settles down. Many men can't be honest and do the "experiencing" but whilst in relationships...

I always recommend the book "It's called a breakup because it's broken". An easy read, not too deep and meaningful but will certainly get you through the first few weeks post breakup.

Thank you, I will read that book.

@whysoserious123

I had to go home from work three times because I can't stop crying.

Could you be suffering with some underlying issues like anxiety or depression? I've never known anyone to leave work three times in a circumstance like this, yea for much more serious issues.
Please work on yourself, don't worry about him , if it's over then it wasn't meant to be. You are not alone and everyone goes through heartbreak. It's rubbish and hard but it's not permanent. Good luck op

Thank you, and no I've never been the type to cry over a man! But the shock of it I think