How did you ‘get over’ heartbreak after affair and divorce?

[Singleparenty]

I am 2 years past my shock separation. My husband left out of the blue and of course then the OW came out of the woodwork.
We have a 50/50 arrangement with our 3 young children so I still have to see and talk to him.
I feel like I can’t move on, at times I feel totally distraught over what he did to me and how our family got ripped apart. He is moving up in his career, doing well financially and has a new relationship. I feel it is so unfair how I’ve been treated but I also desperately miss him and the relationship (I thought) we had.
He turned out to be having an affair and lots of other betrayals which made me see he isn’t the man I thought he was but I just can’t move on.
I wish I didn’t feel this way, I don’t enjoy feeling this way, I have done therapy and it is helpful to talk but even my therapist doesn’t have a magic wand.
What has helped you?

OP I'm in the exact same boat as you! Two years separated, two DDs, he is with the OW who was on the scene before we split and I've also found out there were many other women over the years. He now has a baby and another on the way, happy as Larry whilst I'm single, sad and feel worthless. It feels so unfair because he looks much happier with his new partner and family and they are seeing a better side than we ever did. I'm angry but heartbroken too, I miss him at times and miss being a family unit, nights are bad for me, I lie awake alone and cry. I tried dating myself but got hurt by another man so I'm not hopeful that I will find a loving relationship.

I have no advice but you are not alone

You really are not alone I promise.

Time is a great healer though and one day I promise you'll wake up and realise you just don't care any more. I think the betrayal and the thought that your life has been a lie is the hardest thing to get your head around. It takes a long long time to not care anymore

Read "leave a cheater gain a life"
I know a lot of people say it takes time but it also takes work on yourself. Start with some self care, maybe little at first, then look to find happiness in new things like walks, music etc rather than constantly focussed on the happiness you had with him. Once you start to let go of the life you thought you would have you will start to live in the now ! Sending lots of strength and hope x

People rarely change. His life might look like it's all roses to you, but just remember that someone else is now putting up with a cheating, arrogant idiot who tells lies. They just don't realise it yet.

This could have been written by me and I was just coming online to post the same type of message.
I'm six years down the line and ex husband is married to OW with two new children. I still get LIVID about the way he has treated myself and our two adult children and I feel desperately sorry that my (our) children haven't had a proper dad in their lives for so long. Apparently all he does with his new children is stick them in front of an iPad. Makes my blood boil.
I cannot abide the man, but the pain still eats away at me constantly. I've seen three different therapists, work hard, keep myself busy, but honestly, I just wish I could eradicate the little devil that goes around and around in my thoughts.

This happened to me nearly 30 years ago, I did meet and marry some one else, although I was forging my own happiness before that happened. I haven't ever 'got over it' but it is part of my history, which made me the person I am now. I can still feel anger towards him now, but more often I feel that I was partly to blame for not realising sooner, that he hadn't given his all to our marriage as I had done, I spent 20 years supporting what I thought was, his lack of confidence and anxiety when it was really a lack of depth and character. So I look back on it as an opportunity, which I took to be more self sufficient, and to have a more equal relationship, and a more interesting life with my second partner.

It does get easier over time, but 8 years in, I still cried this morning because I miss him and my old life. Like all grief it ebbs and flows. I can’t offer any advice and lots of women on Mumsnet have told me to just get over it, but it will take as long as it takes for you to cope, so in the meantime I’m sending a hug and best wishes. You are stronger than you think x

I went through this situation. The first couple of years were hell. But I then started a new hobby (running) joined a running club and made lots of new friends. He had a baby with OW four years after he left. There is always a knock back. But now my kids are late teens I never really need to talk to him now. It just takes time. One day at a time.

This is really helpful but sad.
My ex still wnats to try again but I can't as he gaslights and had an affair/did drugs. But it's so hard as all I want is a family unit again but it's an illusion not real.
I just keep telling myself it wasn't ever real and I can't do that to myself. It's still heartbreaking

I'm 8 months in and still feel stuck. Like I'm living 'our' life just without him and it's a struggle. I feel like I can't move past.

When someone dies we know we shouldn't tell them to "get over" it. When it's divorce or separation we think it should be different but really why should it be? Especially in your circumstances, long relationship, big betrayal, kids involved, massive life shift. I think you should stop making getting over it your aim and instead treat it like grief, let yourself feel the pain, accept it won't fully go away and that's fine because it was a major part of your life that came to a sad end, and try to enjoy each day as it comes. Over time you'll probably find it does hurt gradually less but it might always be there, and that's fine.