Girlfriend sex texting

[COBI202020]

My girlfriend has sexed text a work college she regulary goes out with and we have a 7month baby.

After picking her up one night i noticed that she was unusualy close with this person alone waiting outside. One ramdom night this person showed up to my house saying he wanted to help fix my girlfriends car for free. He was playing and talking to my son and daughter. I said to him i will fix it but this felt wiered for me because he just showed up and i dont really no this person. (How could she invite him to are house to meet my baby son and daughter nowing what was happening and how did her have the neve to come)

I cheeked her phone after my gut feeling was growing and i could feel somthing was wrong. After cheeking her phone i found found some messages and lots of pron videos on her phone from him.

When i confronted her she denied everything so i asked can i redownload deleted messages from wassap wich she didnt no i could do. She then admitted that she has deleted videos to each other body parts and other images. But she said it was just a little fun and no imotional attachment incolved. What i could see is texts were mainly from my girlfriend and it looked like she was texting him a lot more. I was angry so i left for a few days.

When i returned and asked her why, when and how she feels about this work collge she couldnt answer me and needed more time to think. But she did say he was just a friend. Pffffff

We stayed up long night talking she denying things saying it was him sending and not her. i asled her to be honest a respect my position l. She has admitted to fancying him and liking, talking bad things about me and this persons wife and that they are both lonley.

Since the baby was born i have been finishing work, cooking, cleaning, preaparing lunchboxes for our daughter bathing and helping with night feeds. I was worried because i wanted to support her to not be to tiered with the new born so i felt like i wanted to help out around the house. She has told me she was to bored but now she is cleaning and cooking she is not feeling as boared anymore.

what i am so worried about is will she do this again. With having a 7month so this is time for hard work and happiness not cheating. She has promised never to do this again and she is feeling so bad for what she has done. I am just so worrkied this is going to happen again. And i am still in shock because i thought she would never do this to me and out family!

And also when I cheeked her phone she was laying making out that her work college is a good person and I have no time for her. After I asked her she just started crying saying she doesn't no why she has been saying this.

I’m sorry but she’s not happy in her relationship.
From past experience - a person reaches out to someone else when they feel they are missing something from their own relationship.
It can be they feel lonely, bored, needing some fun or missing the spark.
You two have been through a lot over the last year with a new baby. There’s a whole list of reasons to why she’s done it and we can all speculate but you need to ask her for yourself.

You do a lot for her and shes come to accept that and use you. You need to sit down and talk calmly and openly about why she did it. What was she wanting from it and have they met up privately?
Again from past experiences - relationships can get through this but only if both sides are very honest about everything and take time to properly work on the relationship. It’s not a quick fix and will take a long time to build up that trust and respect again.

If you can get honest and open answers from her now then you need to think carefully about what you want from the relationship.
You’ll end up feeling very insecure and will worry everytime she’s on her phone.

She's a cheat, and rather than do everything she can to build your trust and work on your relationship she is minimising and blaming you. Basically she cheated because she was bored and then lied to you until you had proof.

Thabk you two for the reply. It's just thought, I feel like there was plenty of opertunity to speak about how she was feeling. And even now we speak and I don't believe what she is saying. Her reason make me feel stupid that she expects me to believe them.

She wanted a baby really badly and it was. After we had one she just wanted to go out and drink with this guy and other friends while I stay home on my days off work! But she is still on maternity and rather then looking after my son she just texting some guy!

I have spoked to her and all I was getting was crazy excuses that changed eg. It was like watching porn and she would be attracted to any guy and she said she felt alone and so was this guy, when I think back to this past year, me and my daughter have been doing most things together without her. We play games and go for walks and when I asked would she like to come she didn't want to. And at meal times she didn't want to communicate and have a laff with us two. I think she is boared of me which is okay, this happens. But why have another baby and talk of another??? I have asked her she says bacuse she loves me and wanted this.

Don't have another child for God's sake! What are you going to do? It's not a good environment to bring up a child. She sounds like one herself.

She is a horrible person, you’re better off without her

You are raising your child and it sounds like she’s doing the bare minimum.
I’m not excusing her behaviour at all, what age is your baby, could she have post natal depression? Does she bond with the baby at all?
I think you need to decide what happens next. You can t stay in a relationship where you’re doing everything and she’s messing around with other people. I’m not saying to give her an ultimatum but she needs to see that you are not a push over and you’re not going to sit back and let her do this to you and your child.
Has she got anywhere else she could go? Could you tell her to go stay with her family/ friends whilst you two work things out.
I think she genuinely needs a shock. She seems to show the not care attitude and that you’ll always be there for her!
You need to focus on raising your child and being happy, you don’t deserve this!

I moved out first but after a few days I realised I have done nothng wrong. So I came home and told her this and I shouldn't have to miss my kids. And she should go to her dad's if anybody leaves.

I don't think it's postnatal depression. She is great with the baby to be fair and he loves her very much. In all this we have a happy little boy who is always smiling. He reminds me of me :) I read a little about postnatal depression before we had our boy and this for me along with wanting to support and do as much as I can. He didn't sleep so much for the first 6 months and I didn't want my gf to be tiered and depressed.

I was worried he will be picking up on this so we have left talking and arguing to when he is not around or he is at our families.

Our boy is 8and a half months now.

I don't think I am totally inersent in all this. I think my priority has been kids work and sleep for 8 months. I have tried to watch films and go for walk with my gf but she wasn't interested. I was tiered with working full time and caring for the kids. It is all I have though about. It was tough because my boy wasn't sleeping as a new born and was suffering with colic. And so I didn't see anything going on. I just thought it was a good idea for my gf to be more social as she is on maternity.

And thank you very much. I love being a father. My babies with or without my gf has completed me. I love them

She has treated you terribly. If it were me (granted I'm a woman) I'd be leaving. So much lying too.

This is what it boils down to op: she is a dickhead.

I have every sympathy for people who feel lonely in relationships and make mistakes. But we aren't talking a drunken snog at a Christmas party here. We're talking affair. An affair where she has sexted a married man. And where she has slagged you off to him too.

And then when confronted, acted like a dick about it by lying further and had the cheek to say she needed time to decide how she felt about him!

She us only sorry now because she realises how much work bring a single parent will be.

That's not love op. It's not respect. It's just more of the same selfishness.

I'd also be worried about why this weirdo had the gaul to come to your house though. I mean, even if he thought you two hated each other, he knew she had a partner...right?

That aside, sorry op, I'd look to split with her. But if you are not going to then she must- make sure she ends things with him infront of you, blocks his number and quits the job. No excuses.

I'd also have a serious chat with her about what kind of weirdo shows up at the house of a woman with kids and a bf out of the blue. T

Te only reason I would consider staying tbh is to make
Sure my kids were safe.

Given that she has been meeting and going out with this guy right under your nose, I'd say this is more than sexting and most likely a full blown affair.
Sounds like you do a lot, but she's taken advantage of you and it's about time she realises some home truths - like how she'd cope on her own with 2 kids after a split for a start. It looks a lot like she has no fear, it looks like she expects that you won't leave her, and from the way you are talking, it seems she might be right. It's up to you to decide what you will put up with, but I suspect she may well do this again, especially now you've come back.
At the very least she should never socialise with this man again, and as he's a colleague, you should insist that she changes jobs. You could try hanging the threat of telling his wife if she is resistant, but really, if she doesn't do all that willingly, then your only reasonable option is to end the relationship.
You will always be their dad, and you do have rights to access - I doubt she'd deny the help given her attitude. Just make sure you don't have them every weekend in order to have them more, you need a life too going forward.
I can see she'd love to have all her weekends free to do whatever, but she needs to realise that having DC's comes with responsibility, and yes, any sane person expects them to be socially restricting. Do less, in fact, get out yourself some.

Im sorry to read what you are going through. Its a terrible posistion to be in and I feel your pain.

Im also a man with a family and my wife decided to have an affair for a couple of months last year. This involved meeting daily in person, having sex and also started as texting on whats app and snapchat.

Im nearly a year past D-Day. The first few months, my wife was a mess. She would say one thing and then another. Its like a fog. I would say stick in there.

Im still finding it hard and I'm not saying I'm in any posistion to advice you. But I do know that time helps.

Hope you sort things out, but if you need vent just drop me a PM

Sorry you are going through this, you sound like a lovely guy and a great dad.

I agree with other posters, she is more than lightly having a full blown affair. Is there anyway you could find out? Were the messages you read only rude messages back and forth? Any hint that things had gone further?

People do very strange things with postnatal depression. My friend years ago threatened someone with a hairbrush, she honestly thought it was a knife! Drove to their house in the middle of the night. She was absolutely fine before she had the baby, very intelligent woman.

How long do you think it’s been going on? Any chance it could of been before she got pregnant?

You sound like a great dad, you’ve focused on providing for your family, raising your little boy and making sure she has enough sleep.
Having a little one around definitely changes a relationship but I’m surprised she can’t see how much you are doing for the family.
I agree, you shouldn’t be the one to leave, it should be her.
She’s made the effort tk go out with this guy even when she’s not working. She’s making the effort for him and not you. Yes maternity leave and raising a baby is hard but you’re doing everything you can too and you’re not messaging other people.
Until she can be honest with what’s going on then I’d tell her to stay at her dads. Work out childcare and who will look after your son during the day bur it’s you ar night time in your own home. She’s the one who has decided to do all of this so she should be the one to go.

I had this conversation with her already. I said what kind of a guy doing this has the guts to come round are house. And was so nice to me and the kids who knows what his intentions were. He is amazingly fake! Why just show up? And how could she introduce him to my kids nowing what was happening? So I ended the conversation thinking she understand how serious this could be for us!

Then I found the text to her friends saying he has time for her when I don't have time which was lieing. I think she doesn't care what I say. She is thinking not the same as me

And thank you all for your support in messages. I am not a push over, I need to stand up for myself and my kids here!

She’s just trying to play innocent with her family/ friends.
She won’t want to be seen as the reason for the family break up.
You’ve done everything you can for her. She has to realise that it all changes for the dad too when a baby is born. You’ve been there to support your family.
What more time does she want? Is she looking for dates etc when you’re still adapting to life with a baby? There’s only so much you can do, if she felt this way then she should have spoken to you before engaging in an affair.

She is going to break your heart OP. I'm afraid she is selfish, immature and no longer in love with you. If you even think about trying to forgive her, she will lose all respect for you. Please, for your health, and for the man that you want to be, you must sever this relationship, and find the strength to continue to be the great father that you are.
Becoming a parent completely changes your life and it sounds as if your DP is struggling, feeling restricted or unable to settle with you.

You can arrange to be there and care for your children. She can move out, or you can move out and agree childcare arrangements with her. She is going to continue to want childcare from you. See if you can arrange things with her now, before you settle in to what will be a dysfunctional family for your children to grow up in.