Women who won’t admit they’re in an abusive relationship

[NotNotNotMyName]

I have had two really bad relationships and will freely admit this to people I trust.

But there are a few people I know who will never admit they’re in a bad relationship (even though everyone already knows) for the sake of keeping up appearances.

Each to their own but really I wish these women wouldn’t then judge and look down on me because I left 🤷🏻‍♀️

Has anyone else experienced this?

They judge you for leaving a relationship?

really I wish these women wouldn’t then judge and look down on me because I left

How do you know they are actually doing this?

@ClaudiusTheGod

really I wish these women wouldn’t then judge and look down on me because I left

How do you know they are actually doing this?

Exactly this!

Theres 2 issues here.

Admitting your relationship is abusive is really really hard. I think its more difficult when you are in it. Its often easier to admit it when you leave. Plus alot of the time you are trying to convince yourself.

I also dont think they are obliged to admit it to just anyone. Also when you do, people then judge you for not leaving.

The other issues about them looking down on you, assuming they actually do, is often more about them than you. Again, trying to convince themselves staying is the right choice.

Having been in an abusive marriage, I can't bring myself to judge any woman still in/or had to leave an abusive relationship.

I suppose I can’t know for sure that they’re judging me but just a feeling I get from the way they behave towards me.

Turningpurple

You’re spot-on…

“The other issues about them looking down on you, assuming they actually do, is often more about them than you. Again, trying to convince themselves staying is the right choice.”

Its often easier to admit it when you leave.

And also to realise. Apart from the obvious and physical stuff, I didn't realise quite how abusive my ex had been until he was gone and I had the headspace to have time to think about it. Also Women's Aid helped me see what he had been doing, so much of it had been so subtle my very confused and groomed mind couldn't see much of what was going on.

NotNotNotMyName, you say they'll "never admit they’re in a bad relationship (even though everyone already knows)" - only the people actually in the relationship know what the dynamic is. People who have experienced abuse can be very attune to it and may think they see it in other relationships when others might not notice anything but the only ones who know for sure are the people themselves.

It seems though that this is more about their behaviour towards you which is probably what you need to address, if you're of a mind and feel able.