My sister has been living in my place for over a year and a half now. Initially I agreed to her staying with me as she was still in uni and I would like to help my family save money on rent for her. I told her and our parents that she has to move out by last year November as I really want to live by myself and with just my dog. In fact she was so messy that I could no longer tolerate it. I later on told her in various ways that she needed to clean up after herself in common area. She became better but still not ok imo. There are a lot of things that I really disliked which came down to personal preference which I’m not going to go into.
She is also v isolated. She came to my city (keeping this anon) as she wished to find a job here. Not having a single friend here she relied on me to take her out, introduced her to various parts of town, taking her to do various activities. I was happy to do so at first but it became such a responsibility that I stopped doing it altogether, as she would not go anywhere without me! I tried to push her to socialise more to no avail.
The worst thing was, she has a v “aggressive” way with dogs. She believes in punishment based dog training method which I stupidly and really regretfully followed first (as she had a dog before who sadly passed away). I know better now after reading books and hiring trainers. There are multiple things that I had told her not to do, such as scolding my dog, giving him treats right before bed, etc and she just wouldn’t listen sometimes.
It got so bad that sometimes we would just argue about various things like what I mentioned above that we would have shouting matches. Still, she would not move out. I even made it explicitly that she needs to consider my feelings and respect that this is my place and my property. And that I wish to live by myself. She would not listen. She even talked about bringing a dog in my flat!
I have no clue what to do without hurting our relationship. To be honest, it got to a point where I don’t really want to hang out with her anymore. I do so when I feel bad for her not having been outside for weeks cos she would not go outside without me. I start to find her voice annoying. I hate that she would just come into my room without me saying come in (after I explicitly told her not to multiple times). I hate that I have no privacy in my own home. My friends suggested I actively encourage her to move out in a helpful manner, for example helping her to find a new place. I don’t know whether that would work since she has no problem not moving out after I asked her to multiple times over the last few months. She is starting a new job in a few months which would require her to travel for an hour and a half if she were to stay with me. She still would like to stay with me indefinitely! And she is hoping she can work from home full time! The good thing is she actually started to look at the rental market (but I’m not sure how serious she is).
What should I do next and how do I stay sane in the meantime??