Why men say they want divorce

[Freecoffeeand]

I separated from my husband after he said he wanted a divorce. He'd actually changed his mind on it twice but after saying it the third time, I left. Each time he said it, it was during a disagreement. He hadn't used that as an argument technique ever before. We rarely argued.
After three months he started a campaign to get me back. Trying everything.
If you were in my place, would you have thought 'OW'?

I also think that men don't 'usually' leave marriage for a OW.

Thinking of those around me that I know, one left because they shouldn't have got married in the first place and were just very different people. One left because his wife was an alcoholic and he could no longer tolerate her awful behaviour.

Men, like women, leave marriages for many reasons.

I recently learned that my STBEH cheated on his ex (with someone he met through work). He divorced her because she cheated on him, but it turns out he was cheating on her anyway.

It was clear a terrible relationship and both of them were looking to line up someone else before ending it. They’d already split up when I met him because his ego couldn’t take being cuckolded - even though his behaviour was no better.

He says things like: we were splitting up anyway. But clearly they weren’t. If they’d been splitting up, there’d be no cheating because they wouldn’t have been together.

His ex before that firmly believes he cheated on her with the next one. He claims otherwise. But, I’m inclined to believe that she had good reason to think he cheated on her. Especially as he also said they were ‘splitting up anyway’ (except presumably she didn’t know this).

He hasn’t cheated on me. But, given the above, my guess is that’s due to lack of opportunity not his excellent character. He’s currently whinging that no one would want him as a twice divorced father of 3 (aged 1-8) with two ‘crazy’ exes who he has to pay far too much money to in CM. Let’s hope no one does - for their sake!

A lot of sweeping statements about men on here. People should remember those sweeping statements apply to women as well. Infidelity is the most common reason why they leave as well. They stay in marriages until the time is right for them to leave. They issue ultimatums and threaten to leave as a means of control.

When someone mentions divorce regularly in regular arguments it is a sign there are deep and fundamental problems. It is dysfunctional. When they backtrack it is because they realise the huge upheaval and financial implications of divorce. This is also dysfunctional.