What book would you recommend for a woman that has divorced her HB years ago but he is still exerting abuse and control over her due to having children together.

[ihatethecold]

The man seems to display narcissistic behaviour 4 years post divorce.
The lady is doing so well putting in boundaries but he’s a real dominant demanding child like person who just will not allow her a peaceful life.

She wants to read about how to help herself. He won’t change so it’s about how she reacts.

Thanks

I don't have recommendations but following to see if others do. I don't know if your friend ever got support from women's aid or similar, they might be able to make recommendations too

Psychopath Free by Jackson Mckenzie - covers all abusive personality types, not just psychopaths

www.amazon.co.uk/Why-Women-Blamed-Everything-Victim-Blaming/dp/1472135466/ref=asc_df_1472135466/?hvlocphy=1006912&hvlocphy=1006912&linkCode=df0&hvptwo&hvptwo&psc=1&hvnetw=g&hvnetw=g&hvadid=430885974441&hvadid=430885974441&hvpone&hvpone&hvlocint&hvlocint&ref&hvpos&hvpos&hvdev=c&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl&hvdvcmdl&hvqmt&hvqmt&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=pla-923925409374&hvtargid=pla-923925409374&hvrand=13083227354256165655&hvrand=13083227354256165655&adgrpid=97419295142

It doesn’t matter how she reacts ime- I have tried every tactic under the sun. My ex has managed to take the children into his home now. The need for them to dominate and control never stops.

How old are the children in this situation?

10 and 12.
She knows he won’t change but she wants to feel more free and less obligated to keep the peace.

Thanks for the recommendations so far

bump

I dont know, but I would love to find a book that would help me with this exact problem. I feel like I escaped the marriage but not his abuse.

A very very heavy one that she can cave his head in with?

Bloody arsehole men 🤬

@IncompleteSenten

At that age, contact can be worked out with him and the kids without your involvement.

Then delete and block him on your phone.

A fellow MNer has written a book about Co-parenting with an abusive ex and building a strong single parent family, called I Am The Parent Who Stayed - Not exactly what you’re asking for but worth a look at that one too.

@RantyAunty

At that age, contact can be worked out with him and the kids without your involvement.

Then delete and block him on your phone.

This is unfair on the children. It's not up to them to organise their visitation, update on school/medical issues, it's up the adults in their life.

I'm dealing with an awful ex, but I'd be throwing my 11 year old under the bus if I let him organise visitation solely through her. He's overbearing and manipulative and he'd have her jumping through hoops in no time flat.

Not so much a book, but I follow Michelle Dempsey on Instagram - and Lisa Romano on Facebook - the former has lots of information on Co-parenting.

It is really difficult as these types will never give up control & manipulation.

A few things I have done which helped:

• having contact arrangements precisely documented in our minute of agreement (so he can't manipulate that)
• having pick-up's & drop-offs via school (so that he doesn't need to come anywhere near my new place.)
• if he's shitty about something I email him so that everything is in writing
• I communicate only with him in writing as any verbal conversations were used to manipulate, intimidate & control
• have arranged set times to exchange kids stuff eg football boots etc so that he's not forever trying to pop round

Mine still controls/manipulates what he can. Give him an inch & he takes a mile.

I don't think there is nearly enough help out there, to support women in exactly this situation.

Finding Me -Rebuild you and your life after domestic abuse is designed to do exactly that. Support women move forward, resolve problems and find happiness again after experiencing life changing abuse.
open.spotify.com/show/31qraevY5cKqZm8N3uVxJJ

The latest episode in this series is now live. ‘Traits of a Narcissist’
.
The terms 'Narcissist' or 'Narcissism' is being used with increasing frequency in recent times. With guest and resident Relationship Councillor, Elaine Conway we discuss what the term really means, and whether women can have a successful relationship with someone who is on the narcissist spectrum.

#domesticabuse #domesticviolence #coersivecontrol #rebuildafterabuse #movingon #women

Thank you so much for this advice.
This person gets taken to family court repeatedly by him. He is very manipulative and the mum wants to protect the kids. She does everything that the court asks her to do in terms of visitations etc

I will pass on these recommendations.