Just called the police on my husband and it felt good.

[LovelyNanny26]

Long story short my husband MH hasn't been great for the last two years.He's sister took her own life suddenly and he never seeked help for it.He's been drinking this afternoon since getting home from from work everything was fine until we he gone to the toilet and hasn't washed his hands.I told him he's gross and should do it immediately.Went mental at me and started screaming at in my face.I have felt shaken up and violated.Called the police immediately and because I was scared and I have a little baby too.Police couldn't do anything because no crime was committed and he's was allowed to stay home.He's currently asleep downstairs and going to work in the morning and he says that is my fault that I pushed his buttons.Why men are so nasty

They're not.

He is.

You say he hasn't sought help to deal with his sister's death. That doesn't excuse his behaviour.

What is your next move?

I am surprised at the police response. Well done for calling. This man is vile but please don't apply this to all men, because by doing so you risk convincing yourself that you my as well put up with his behaviour because they are all the same. They really really aren't. You shouldn't be shouted at by someone you share your life with, most people will never have to experience this. What are you going to do next to protect yourself and child?

National centre domestic violence (NCDV) has a phone number you can call and chat with.

I did this, expecting to be told I am being a bit too sensitive here but when I gave my story, they told me I could get an injunction out and even apply to have him removed from the house.

This started a whole process that I am now glad I embarked on but at the time felt wrong,. I didn't realise for a long time (months) that I had been conditioned to thinking it's normal as I don't experience any different. It's horrifying how we can rationalise things without even knowing it.

Yelling for commenting on not washing hands is verbal abuse. Go to the NCDV and educate yourself. You won't see yourself in every example but I bet one or two will fit your situation.

I put I with it for well over a decade and we not Jane children who are beginning to suffer; so all of a sudden it's not just about me anymore.

My DH has mental health issues unaddressed. In lockdown he was crazy and lost it. The neighbour called the police. We were both traumatised. Police offered to take him away
Best wake up call he ever had.
He's on meds now and although he's still fat from perfect, he's a lot better I think he would just carried ok ruining both our lives

Thanks everyone.I have decided to leave him and go our separate ways.I don't want my son witnessing something bad he deserves so much better.The police said no law was broken so they can't force him out of the house.They suggested hotel but he refused.

I was really shaken up after this and haven't slept all night.I was hoping they will take him away but they just told him to stay in his room

I'm surprised at the police reaction too. My friend had an almost identical experience with her ex; he was drunk, yelling and swearing in her face with a toddler in the room. She called the police and he was taken away and kept in the cells overnight. No charges were made but it got him out of the house and scared him.
I read another post where a poster pointed out that people who worked for the services police, nhs etc, are all individuals and may react differently in similar situations.
The police who came to you possibly thought that because there had been no physical violence they couldn't/shouldn't arrest him. Whereas the police who came to my friend obviously felt there was a risk of escalation.
At least the police will have a record of his behavior and this experience should not prevent you calling them again next time - because , sadly, there will be a next time.
He has MH issues but that is not an excuse yo abuse you. You need to preserve your MH and that of your DC. He either gets treatment or you make plans to separate. 💐

Sorry I missed your post where you have said you will leave him. Good decision.
My friend did not let her ex back, she immediately felt relief, has never regretted her decision and her and DC are thriving.
Good Luck 💐

Sadly I’m not surprised at the police in the slightest. This is why 2 women are killed a week by current or ex partners.

Op well done, you are very strong and doing the right thing. You are not a fix for someone’s mental health. And you do not deserve to be treated like this for any reason.

You could give Women’s Aid a call today, they will help you with next steps.

@NoNeedToWorryAboutAThing

They're not.

He is.

You say he hasn't sought help to deal with his sister's death. That doesn't excuse his behaviour.

What is your next move?

3 women are killed every week by male partners so a LOT are!

Sorry OP, this must have been traumatising & the police should have warned him at least.
I'm afraid his behaviour will escalate from here & the fact that he's taken no responsibilty, instead blaming you is textbook abuser.

You need to plan a way out x

Well done for planning to leave.
Don’t let him use his DS’s death as an excuse for his aggressive behaviour.
And if you’re frightened again call the police again. Call as often as you need to.

The police are incorrect. If as you described he shouted at you in a threatening manner and you had reason to believe he might hurt you or DS, that is what is known as 'common assault'. You don't need to have been physically affected for it to be an offence.

If however your account is slightly off and you called the police even though you were never really in any fear of being hurt (or you were not actually of the frame of mind that he would hurt your DS), then that would not be common assault.

Anyway, glad you were able to put distance between yourself, DS and your husband. Sounds like unfortunately he's going through some issues which really needs to be addressed.

Source: I'm a lawyer.