Gambling addicts are by definition liars and thieves; thieves of your money, thieves of your time, and they lie, lie, lie, and then find new ways to lie.
Advise sister to stop seeing him.
I didn't know before I got married that my spouse was an addict. As time went on, it became clear that when he came home having won, he was on an absolute high, and when he lost, he tried to hide it.
It all came to a head when we had little children and I allowed him to take care of checking accounts and credit cards by himself, since I was busy with the kids and a part time job.
And then he kept not paying the credit card in full. Totally against my financial philosophy. I didn't understand why we didn't have enough money. I volunteered to take over the bills. Oh, no, he didn't want THAT, he acted like I was insulting him to even suggest such a thing.
One day, while he was at work and I had a moment, I went online and found transaction after transaction after transaction spent at our local casino, cash advances on the credit card! Money taken from our joint checking at ATMs repeatedly. Sure sometimes he won some back and deposited it, but we were not getting ahead.
At its worst, he would be gone the entire night, leave after I'd gone to sleep and sneak out, leave me with the kids, and I would have to work the next morning, and several times he would not be home in time for me to leave for work so he could take care of the kids. I would call and call and get voice mail. I would get madder and madder. I told him I would not lose my job due to his irresponsibility. This went on for several years until I had the realization that I simply must put my foot down and demand he seek help. He did, half-heartedly. He agreed to go to gamblers anonymous, but would even go gambling right after his meeting. He saw a psychiatrist and was put on meds, but could never seem to remember to take the pills, then stopped seeing the doctor. I could never again trust that he was where he said he was going to be. We agreed he would hand over all credit cards and the debit card and I would take over all financial responsibilities. We refinanced the house with cash out to pay the credit card debt. He begged me to "let" him have the debit card "so he could at least buy gas". Lies. All lies.
I gave one absolute ultimatum and then after the next episode of gambling, when he knew exactly what would happen if he did not return to therapy and continued gambling OUR money, I brought the hammer down, made my decision, and have not wavered.
Oh, the anger! How DARE I "throw away our marriage". How DARE I tell him what to do. How DARE I "break up the family". What would his family think? What about his reputation? Meanwhile, my family was happy I finally saw the light.
I had given this man so many extra chances out of misguided compassion and unjustified adherence to my wedding vows. He took such advantage of our pooled money. And I was not about to remain and worry every single day if I would be able to carry him financially, because that's what was happening. He was stealing family money for his own addiction and he was stealing time from his family by the hours and hours he was gambling. I would be at work and the kids would be in school and he would say he was at work but I could see from bank records that he was actually gambling.
I felt in the end that I was stalking his every move, that I was his mother, that I was his personal fixer, that all the money I was bringing in through my job was paying the bills and all the money from his job was going to gambling. I could not sleep well knowing he was out there throwing our money away. When I needed him to be a dad to his children, he would sleep like a lump on the couch while we all tiptoed around him. "Don't bother daddy, he's tired." Promise to do something with the kids? Nope, "I know I promised but I'm too tired."Broken promises and sad children and a mother who would try to compensate for all of it. Sure he was depressed. But he was refusing to remain in the treatment that might help him.
I've gone on and on, but THIS is potentially the life your sister can expect. Warn her off.
I support myself just fine. With two salaries and a small mortgage, together we had been struggling. Now that I'm on my own, in an apartment, I'm fine, and this just gels for me how much his gambling was affecting our finances, that I am financially sound on my own.
I have no idea if he still gambles, and now I don't care. I don't have to care anymore, and that is very freeing,