Left violent controlling Husband and feel shit

[bluedinopyjamas]

I left with the children at the end of last year. We stayed in a refuge and then found a new place. We have support, social services say how well we're doing, we have a family support worker. I have a good solicitor who is helping with the courts and as little access as possible - the children are clearly traumatised.

Sometimes I feel like I am coping less well now then when every day was full of fear, treading on egg shells and not knowing what was to come. The euphoria of freedom and not living in fear has faded. Now I see how hard everything still is. How damaged and how much help we need and how things are not normal. Whatever that is. I don't really have a question in this. I'm wondering if peolle come out of the other side of this and feel light and free? If the seemingly unundless battle is actually over at some point?

bluedinpyjamas what you are feeling now is part of the natural process of recovery. You start with adrenaline-fuelled elation after your escape, but after that everything crashes in and not only do you have to cope with a completely changed life, you also have to deal with the way your mind and body now demand recovery. When you're in an abusive relationship, you end up suppressing so much stuff just to stay vaguely safe. But all of that has to be dealt with. You have all been damaged by what you have suffered, and healing is going to take time. Keep working with the people around you, see if you can get referrals to help you work through the trauma and there will be a time when you realise you have come out on the other side. You're only a few months in, it takes longer than that.

EMDR helps massively with the trauma, if you can access it. But generally yes, you will live and laugh and have good times. And gradually the good times will be bigger than the bad. You will need to feel things now, but it won't always be this hard.

(from someone who was once one of those traumatised children herself).

Someone posted this on a thread I was following when I first left my XP. It helped me to see what was what, I hope it helps you a little too (thank you to that poster if you recognise your post! ).

You’ve done 100% the right thing and in time the positives will outweigh the negatives, even if that is hard to see at the moment. .

“You were a satellite orbiting a planet. You couldn't break free from your orbit because his gravity was too strong, but you felt there was a force of gravity of your own allowing you to influence the spin of the planet, or at least influence the tides. That was your role. You had got used to it.

You are now in a strange sort of limbo. The planet has exploded and only shattered remnants spin around you. Some hit you hard. Some make it difficult for you to see the way forward.

For the first time since meeting this man you are truly in charge of your own life and the direction you take. You are spinning through space on your own. This is a totally unfamiliar feeling, and a role you are going to have to learn.

The new life without him will take some getting used to, but once you get the hang of it you will never turn back. Think of yourself as an emerging star.”