When will I fall in love?

[cherriesandplums2021]

Just that. About to turn 35. Not had a relationship for three years and never meet anyone new these days. Can’t / won’t do online dating. In many ways, I’ve resigned myself to this is it and not falling in love or maybe falling in love much later than life. And I have to say, I think accepting it has helped me.

But sometimes I feel this overwhelming sadness and loneliness. It will pass, I know. And I know no one can really answer my question or tell me. But sometimes I just wish I had the thrill of falling in love and someone to love again.

I’ve come to the sad realisation that my first relationship which lasted years was never much of one, although I just didn’t see it at the time and loved him deeply. Sad to think that all that time I never was really loved.

You need to be in the right frame of mind and also in the right place to meet the right person. I think the right frame of mind is when you are busy and happy enjoying life, finding pleasure in the every day as well as setting goals and adventures up for yourself. As you do these things, you inevitably meet a wider circle of people, and when you do, you bring energy and interest into the encounter because you are living well.

Maybe be a bit kinder in your reflections on the past. If you thought it was right at the time, maybe it was. It seems like you want something more now, something different.

Fall in love with yourself. It is thrilling when you get to know you, and know your boundaries and limitations. Only then can you love other people. I wish someone had told me that in my youth. Being independent, resilient and strong are very attractive qualities and they bring people to you who know they cannot mess you about. I think lots of people, myself included in my youth, thought you needed someone to complete you. This is not true and many are better off single forever or until they find someone who makes a nice addition to their life. I am happier single, than when I was married or in a relationship. I knew when to end those relationships as I wasn't afraid to be alone. Most people I know met their partners and spouses via random events...a work meeting, a glance across a coffee shop, hobby meetings, walking the dog...I think everyone is told to do OLD these days but I am not sure it lasts for most people. In my social and work network, I cannot think of many people who are in unions with others who are together for reasons other than fear of leaving, fear of losing a source of financial stability or fear of loneliness. They are not happy, and it brings perspective to this whole 'coupled up' thing that society chucks at us everyday. If it works, lovely. If it doesn't, it can bring misery and entrapment.

But sometimes I feel this overwhelming sadness and loneliness

Then you're not looking after yourself well enough. You're looking for someone to make your life more bearable, and that's not a good reason to start a relationship.

What do you do that makes you gleeful? What do you do that makes you feel it was really worth doing?

I honestly thought for a second that I had written your post in my sleep!

You're not on your own here.... I feel the exact same! I'm 32, single 3 years now and have become quite content with my little bubble of finding myself... loving myself... blah blah. But occasionally (on sunny days) I do think... oh I could do with a BF to share this with etc. I just don't seem to meet anyone that blows my socks off - I dismiss the occasional interest for a variety of reasons!

We are definitely in the same boat :)

@scoobydoo1971

Fall in love with yourself. It is thrilling when you get to know you, and know your boundaries and limitations. Only then can you love other people. I wish someone had told me that in my youth. Being independent, resilient and strong are very attractive qualities and they bring people to you who know they cannot mess you about. I think lots of people, myself included in my youth, thought you needed someone to complete you. This is not true and many are better off single forever or until they find someone who makes a nice addition to their life. I am happier single, than when I was married or in a relationship. I knew when to end those relationships as I wasn't afraid to be alone. Most people I know met their partners and spouses via random events...a work meeting, a glance across a coffee shop, hobby meetings, walking the dog...I think everyone is told to do OLD these days but I am not sure it lasts for most people. In my social and work network, I cannot think of many people who are in unions with others who are together for reasons other than fear of leaving, fear of losing a source of financial stability or fear of loneliness. They are not happy, and it brings perspective to this whole 'coupled up' thing that society chucks at us everyday. If it works, lovely. If it doesn't, it can bring misery and entrapment.

I couldn't agree with this more

OLD works if you know where to look. Dont rule it out - I met my husband 14 years ago OLD and never been happier. Also have friends who met the same way and they are in happy long term relationships. I kissed a few frogs xx

I'm a single mother by choice (IVF with a sperm donor).

I was divorced aged 36, and tried OLD fkr a few years. I met a couple of men who I liked but we were at different life stages so neither worked out. I decided that what I wanted at that point (aged 38, 39) was a child and my own family. I was very lucky that the treatment worked first time and the rest is history. My little boy is here and now I look back and thank my lucky stars I acted when I did before it was too late to conceive.

I also agree with @scoobydoo1971

You get one shot in life. What is it that excites you, makes you motivated?