Who is being unreasonable here?

[DaimDillyDoo]

Stupid silly argument between us both and I'm just curious to find out whether I'm being unreasonable or whether DP is.

DP is a clean freak, obsessed with tidying and can be quite annoying with it. Everything has to have a space, DC can't put their cups on the table it has to be under a mat at all times, everything has to have felt feet to stop it scratching surfaces. No shoes allowed at all in the house etc.

We've had our kitchen worktops sanded down 3 days ago so there's a lot of dust, however we're having a new sink fitted today. DP was itching about cleaning up last night in the kitchen.

I said if you want to clean it up tonight I'll help however it will need doing again tomorrow and I'm not doing it twice. It'll be a deep clean, skirting boards, inside cupboards, floor sweeping and mopping etc. I'm 6 months pregnant and it's getting hard work.

Low and behold, there's dust everywhere again and DP comes in wanting me to help clean again. I've refused and he's had a strop, throwing his weight around. I've already cleaned the living room and dining room whilst the sink was being done!

I literally said to him last night "if you want to do it tonight, you will need to do it yourself if it's a mess again tomorrow. I think we should just do it tomorrow evening" and he said he'd rather he did it last night!

I wouldn't normally put my foot down but I'm not helping. No way!

It's not defensive to point out when other people are wrong about something.

YANBU OP.

You have him a clear choice between two options.

1. You help him clean today but not tomorrow
2. You help him clean tomorrow but not today

He made his choice.

It's not defensive to point out when other people are wrong about something

Nobody said it was.

Yanbu OP.

You told your dp, he didn’t listen. Let him carry on.

AMMMMAAAAAAZING. When the man is a messy slob, lots of people come on here to tell the woman that she should accept he has lower standards and if she wants her house to be pristine, she must do it herself....

... and now she's getting a beating because in the middle of work being done on the kitchen, he wants her to HELP him, while she's 6 months pregnant, to clean a kitchen unnecessarily. Oh, and this is AFTER she's already done most of it because she's been cleaning the rest of the house.

I'd have been laughing in his face.

Perhaps you can suggest that if all cleaning he wants done is a joint effort, from now on every time YOU want something cleaned, you have to do it together?

I don’t think the OP is being defensive at all— I totally get what she is saying. I lived with someone like this for 4 years and it became like permanently being on show house duty — I like a nice home, i am tidy and don’t like general grime but the OP also has a job and small kids and is pregnant— if it matters so much to him- let him do it himself— I certainly wouldn’t be

@DaimDillyDoo

I never called anyone a freak?

We haven't cooked for the last 3 days, the doors have been firmly shut and my parents have had us for dinner. We've shut the kitchen doors. It hasn't made any mess at all throughout the rest of the house. I'm the one whose cleaned the rest of it!

I think you're missing my point, I did a deep clean yesterday - skirting boards, windowsills, windows, inside cupboards etc. im not sure how that makes my logic lazy when I work full time also?

If I don’t have to go in there I’d leave it, but if I need to use it then no.

@Crikeyalmighty

I don’t think the OP is being defensive at all— I totally get what she is saying. I lived with someone like this for 4 years and it became like permanently being on show house duty — I like a nice home, i am tidy and don’t like general grime but the OP also has a job and small kids and is pregnant— if it matters so much to him- let him do it himself— I certainly wouldn’t be

Yes, but you feeling the same way as OP doesn't mean OP is right and her partner is wrong. There is no right and wrong (unless you can quote from the rule book on this sort of thing?) So really, it's a case of a couple needing to find a compromise, which OP has shown no signs of wanting to do, and neither, it seems, has her partner. A lack of ability to even see the need for a compromise, and an insistence that someone is right and the other is wrong is defensiveness. They are both right, but will not allow the other's rightness to exist alongside their own.

OP has already compromised by helping deep clean the kitchen last night despite knowing (and pointing out) that it would be better done tonight when the remaining work had been done. Her DP insisted it had to be done last night and OP warned him she would only help once, why should she compromise again?

If you think OP should be the one compromising, you don't know what compromise is.

So really, it's a case of a couple needing to find a compromise, which OP has shown no signs of wanting to

If you think OP should be the one compromising, you don't know what compromise is.

You just said she isn't willing to compromise, but then said you don't think she should be the one compromising.

She compromised by helping him clean when she didn't want to, and saying that it would mean she wouldn't help him tomorrow. Therefore, he should compromise by not complaining and accepting that he isn't going to get the help he wants two days in a row.

He isn't pregnant. Let him crack on a second time and rest OP. You already did your part.

He asked you. You said you thought I would be better done tomorrow. He wanted it that very day. You compromised by saying "OK, I will help when I don't think I should, but no help tomorrow then."

It's he who isn't compromising.

Or he just wants everything his own way and thinks you should help him set his standards.

Why are you doing 80% of the cleaning whilst pregant and working full-time and being chastised for not doing even more (pointless) cleaning?