Have been on Mumsnet for a while but more to just read rather than post, but I really need some advice.
I've been with my boyfriend for about 7 months now, our relationship started quite intensely as we had an accident the second time we'd ever slept together and I fell pregnant and had an abortion. He was very supportive the whole time and came with me to appointments and the situation brought us quite close quite quickly. Fast forward I became his girlfriend and we've had a great relationship for the most part.
Over the past couple of months I've found myself feeling quite insecure, I feel as though I've put on some relationship weight and just not feeling good about myself. My partner has always told me I always look good and gives me compliments etc. However, I think as I was feeling bad about myself it highlighted some things that he was doing that made me feel worse - he followed a lot of insta models and onlyfans girls and when I asked him why he followed them he would respond with "because she's fit" or whatever, and would tell me it's his social media and he should be free to do what he wants with it. Which I do understand, I can't control him, but when I ask him to take my feelings into consideration when he follows and likes stuff like that, he just gets defensive and annoyed at me. His reactions to my feelings and requests have made my insecurities spiral and I started to feel paranoid when he'd be texting, wondering who he's talking to, going through who he follows on Instagram, and just developing overall trust issues.
I have had therapy in the past as I do have a lot of issues from my childhood that this all stems from in terms of the way my dad treated my mum etc. He and I have had conversations about my insecure behaviour and I have since stopped some of the things I was doing (looking at his followers etc) but we had an argument on Tuesday night about it all and yesterday morning he broke up with me, saying that he thinks I need to resolve these issues before I can be in a relationship.
I'd just like to clarify that I never constantly text him when he's out or away with friends, I'd never stop him from doing anything he wanted to do, I don't bombard him with calls/messages wondering where he is or what he's doing or anything like that. Sometimes I just get in my head and say or do stupid things and it's something I am working on.
We have a holiday booked in 3 weeks time and he hasn't said anything about that, so it's inevitable that we will need to speak in the near future to sort out what's going to happen with that. I did at first try to talk him out of the breakup, but in the end I have respected his decision but asked if we could talk about it face to face. He said he doesn't want to talk right now and just needs some space.
Is it possible for me to be in a healthy relationship whilst working through these issues that I am aware of and am already tackling? I really saw a future with him and I'm kicking myself for fucking it up, he's not perfect by all means, but I do know that I've pushed him away with my insecurities.
Any advice would be really appreciated x