Living apart together

[FlorianImogen]

My partner and I are a couple but we kept our own houses. He stays at mine mostly and sometimes for several weeks. How do I tactfully say I need a couple nights occasionally on my own without making him feel unwanted? Also he doesn't contribute financially when he stays here, I need to bring this up but not sure how to.

Just say it op. Why is he staying at yours for weeks and not contributing

Are you partners? If so these conversations should be easy. If you can't say this to him then you have a big relationship issue. Is he selfish in other ways too?

If you're a couple you should be able to feel confident enough to say to him if you're staying so long you need to be making a contribution to the household expenses. But I were you, I'd be wondering why this hasn't occurred to him to offer. It sounds to me like you've got a bit of a cocklodger on your hands. He's a grown adult human, and he's aware food and utilities don't come for free. How much is he saving living with you?

Well you aren't really living apart. Just tell him that the whole point of you not living together, is to not live together and have your own space.

He definitely needs to be contributing, financially. If you can't tell him these things without him getting arsey then, it's not a great relationship.

Does he invite himself over or has he a key? If he texts first, just say, no, don't come over, no food in the house.

Go stay at his for 6 weeks see what he says

' Let's sort out our schedules for the next week .. I'm reserving Tuesday and Wednesday for me/ my hobby/ get house stuff sorted.....'

" Ah, we're low on groceries- can you do the shop this time please?"

Either you should say you need to talk to him, and do that; or you could just let the food and drink run out and see what he does.

I don't see why you need to be 'tactful' - being honest and calm should be enough. He doesn't himself sound particularly sensitive to your needs.

Tell him you can't afford to sub an extra adult, so he has to start going home. He must be saving a fortune at your expense.

@spotcheck, perfect suggestion!

The fact however that he doesn't contribute willingly is concerning..every adult knows food and utilities cost.

How do I tactfully say I need a couple nights occasionally on my own without making him feel unwanted?

Why do you think he’ll feel ‘unwanted’ - is he particularly insecure? Doesn’t he have his own friends and stuff to do?

Hey, boyfriend - I’m busy on Tues-Weds-Thurs next week, how about you?

What would he say to that?

On the matter of contributing, if he’s eating your food, send him shopping!

A unanimous response, thank you guys, I know I have to step up and speak out, i am all too aware it can't go on like this.