Hi . I am new to all this so bear with me. I have been married to an abusive, controlling husband, philandering husband for 34 years ( I am now 54). Most of the physical abuse, which was severe, stopped about 7 years ago when I threatened police intervention though the verbal abuse continues together with controlling behaviour, checking phone times I get back from work, Screening who I can talk to and god forbid if I talk to a male. I even received a rather unpleasant STD gift on his return from a men's vacation. Needless to say our marriage life is basic survival even though everyone is telling me to leave and run for the hills. I never thought I would be able to survive and the affect of leaving would have on my parents. I also thought that no one would ever love me, even though I get a lot of male attention, I see that merely as a ruse men play to get a quick role in the hay. I know I should leave and am terribly unhappy living in a state of existence with him. His demands for intimacy are victorian and see's this as his right as a husband. I have put a stop to this and this is increasing tensions.
To add a twist to events I met a man who lives close by and we had been chatting inanely on social media for two years and he has been clearly interested. 5 Months ago we went to dinner and just chatted for hours and have chatted daily ever since. Meeting when we can. Our emotional bond is extremely strong. He is very successful, intelligent and an empath. I have, for once in my life, feel totally loved and he is very caring. He wants to spend the rest of our lives together ( he is divorced 2 years ago) and has said that he will wait until I am ready for the time to be right for me to decide and will be totally supportive of anything I decide .
I really do not want to lose this opportunity of losing something that I have yearned for all my life and yet cannot seem to find how I could instigate the separation from my husband. My family have said that at the next trigger point and use that as an excuse to initiate proceedings. I am afraid that the man I have met might get tired of waiting and decide to cut his losses, even though he convinces me every day how that is never going to happen. We both decided that we will review things at 6 months and then decide the next steps. My children have advised my H and I to either get counselling or separate, they are all over 18 years. I know that long term we will not be seeing through old age but feel I have wasted so much of my life putting up with things no woman should have to that a reconciliation is out of the question
I would really appreciate advice from anyone who has navigated something similar for some clarity