Strictly, he is not an ex – however he is a man I have slept with and had a minibreak with.
I have known him for 15+ years and when we very first met, I slept with him. I was single at the time – so was he, all very carefree. We are both early 40’s and single. I lived alone at the time and he lived with parents – one parent very ill. We have no children together, no ties at all.
After the initial meet, I got into a long term relationship and we didn’t speak. When I broke up with the ex (I was with the ex for ten years), Gary (we will call him Gary) got back in touch and we went out for dinner and carried on texting. Then we went on a short trip abroad together. It was a casual trip which included drinking and sex. I paid my half. I sort of fancied him but didn’t want a relationship. He was the same, or so he said.
Then Covid hit. We carried on texting and had a couple of phone calls. Gary lives nearly two hours away. We didn’t meet up or anything. He would send flowers and gifts on my bday and Christmas.
Last summer, we met up for a couple of dates. I was looking forward to it but seeing him in the flesh again I wasn’t so sure. Went for a second date (both of these were day dates that didn’t involve kissing or anything like that) just to be sure and yes, I just didn’t fancy him in real life.
I told him over text and he didn’t accept it. Said because we had been talking for so long and Covid etc, that I wasn’t ready and he would wait. I reiterated that I wasn’t interested in a relationship with him regardless of my mental health. I just didn’t want to be his girlfriend.
Didn’t hear antying for four months. At Christmas, I received a small gift and blank card with one kiss. Didn’t know who it was from. Two weeks later, a letter arrived with him daying he was ready whenever I was and he was doing well and looked forward to seeing me when I was ready to see him.
I ignored the letter. He then text me saying that flowers would be arriving for me.
I text back that I am not interested in a relationship with him and asked him to stop contacting me. I was very clear and firm.
Two weeks later another gift and note arrives. I ignore it.
A week or so later I get a text declaring undying love and another one asking me not to push him away.
At this point I went to the Suzy Lamplugh Trust and ask for advice. They said I should speak to the police. Even just two instances of contact after someone has said ‘Stop contacting me’ counts as harassment. This whole episode has unnerved and angered me. He knows where I lived and were I work. I was looking over my shoulder and just hated all the unsolicited texts and postal stuff. I also have a new bf now so have explained all to him and he has been excellent.
I went to the police who noted down everything and advised me to block him. They have said it is a 'domestic' situation even though I am not and have not been in a relationship with him. They asked me if I wanted their involvement, and at that point – I just said no. I just wanted it recorded. The police were very good and said they take harassment very seriously. I blocked him whilst at the station.
That was nearly three weeks ago and my birthday has been this week where he has sent two separate deliveries to my old address. A neighbour had taken it in and text me to say there was a delivery. The cards were signed ‘from Gary’. Nothing nasty, just Happy Birthday, from Gary.
I want to go back to the police and tell them but I am worried they will contact his local force (we are in different counties and because the crime is taking place in his county – ie he is sending stuff from his home address), that’s the police force who have to deal with it. Anyway, I am worried they will speak to him and he will get angry and come down here, find me and hurt me or a loved one. I just don’t want it to escalate. I know I should report it, but I am worried about the repercussions and I don’t want more crap turning up at my old house (I own it and am planning on renting it out).
Could anyone offer any advise or give me some reassurance that getting the police involved is a good idea? I have read other thread on this forum and have seen the term ‘hoovering’ and wonder if it might be that. The police had looked him up and he doesn’t have anything previous against his name, but all the same, I am concerned, not sleeping and constantly looking over my shoulder.
Any advice would be gratefully received. I am also going to call Suzy L Trust again. Thank you all.