Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Explic content of males and trans women on fiancé's phone

23 replies

JungleHome · 16/03/2022 08:31

Hello, so me and my fiance bought a house last year, because of my job I wasn't able to get on the mortgage so we just left it in his name and I pay my half to him.
But last night I found that my fiance is on KIK, I will admit that I was snooping which is wrong but I had a gut feeling that something was going on.
When I opened the app there was a long list of males and females on it sharing explicit imaged, videos and descriptions of wild sex acts.
I confronted him and he tried to deny everything then with my pushing admitted that he sometimes likes males and has a thing for females with male genitals. I was shocked to say the least.
The thing is that this isnt the first time he has been deceitful to me, this past year has been full of gas lighting and more downs to outweigh the good.
I feel my mental health is struggling and this is the final straw.
I want to leave but I'm afraid cause I'm not on the mortgage I won't get my share of the house, does anyone have any advice?
Thank you

OP posts:
Carpy899 · 16/03/2022 08:36

I would guess he's used too much porn so the normal "vanilla" stuff is boring to him now. Highly doubt he's gay or bisexual.

It's quite a common thing apparently to end up at this sort of thing.

CrumpetStrumpet · 16/03/2022 08:38

I would have thought its likely you will lose your money but that's no reason to stay. Your relationship is dead and buried.

I'm sorry opFlowers

AssignedBlobbyAtBirth · 16/03/2022 08:39

No female has male genitals
Are you able to play the long game? Would he stay together if you were willing?
Quick marriage then divorce in a few months and take half of everything

CrumpetStrumpet · 16/03/2022 08:40

@Carpy899 How gross though. He's wanked to that much porn he now needs more extreme stuff to get off.

Grim and disgusting. These sorts of men are revolting.

HollowTalk · 16/03/2022 08:41

You can't take half of everything if you haven't been married or if you've only been married a very very short time. I would cut my losses now and think of that mortgage as rent and I would up and go.

icelollycraving · 16/03/2022 08:41

How much did you pay towards deposit etc? If you just pay half the mortgage and no other outlay, I’d see it like rent and move out.

CrumpetStrumpet · 16/03/2022 08:42

@AssignedBlobbyAtBirth The op really doesn't need the trauma of a sham marriage to add to her painShock She needs to cut her losses and go!

Hoppinggreen · 16/03/2022 08:42

Do you have evidence of your contribution to the mortgage deposit?
You may stand a chance of getting that back but the monthly contribution to the mortgage payment is effectively rent
Unfortunately he is at a minimum bisexual, which may not be a problem in itself, but if he is using porn of a type or in a way that makes you not want to be with him then you need to leave.

Clymene · 16/03/2022 08:44

If you've put into the deposit, you should be able to get that back. But if your your name isn't on the mortgage, you've been paying rent

GoodnessTruthBeauty · 16/03/2022 08:46

I wouldn't get into the nightmare of marrying him and trying to get a divorce etc. Why prolong this gaslighting when you could be moving on? Instead can you see a solicitor and figure out if you can claim back any deposit/monies in a civil claim?But TBH if you lose money by getting out now, just see it as saving money and heartache in the long run. It was an expensive mistake but now you know people (even partners) can be deceptive and NEVER get into a financial arrangement where you are paying money for something without your name on the ownership documents.

This guy is gay or bisexual and you will be literally walking into a relationship nightmare with your eyes open if you stay with him.

Hiddenvoice · 16/03/2022 08:52

I would speak to a solicitor privately and ask their advice on it all. Do you have a joint bank account?
I’d gather your bank statements with you contributing monthly and any other outgoings you pay towards and then get some legal advice as they would be best to explain the situation etc
I know that’s a tough step to take so take some time!
I’m sorry your relationship hasn’t worked out as planned.
You knew in your gut something was wrong and I think it would take you a long time to try and understand/ forgive his actions. As you say your mental health is struggling, leave him and focus on yourself!

Baaaa · 16/03/2022 08:56

Don't marry him.
You won't get any money back from the house but you would have maybe paid rent anyway so you haven't lost out there, just the deposit. Whoever advised you on the house purchase should have made clear it's his house.

Original poster
JungleHome · 16/03/2022 09:00

Thanks for the advice everyone, it's just one blow after another with him and I've completely had it with the false promises and driving myself crazy cause I don't know what's the truth and what's a lie.
I payed a good chuck of the deposit and have proof of this, I've also bought the majority or the furniture and pay half the bills.
I'm heartbroken that I will need to leave this house as I absolutely adore it but this relationship feels so toxic and is having a massive negative effect on my health.
I'm worried that I'll have to end up moving back to my parents and start my savings up all over again to get myself out

OP posts:
nearlyspringyay · 16/03/2022 09:00

You won't have a claim on the house. What kind means you can't get in the mortgage? Did he tell you that?

Queenoftheashes · 16/03/2022 09:11

Did you sign a deed of consent?

Beamur · 16/03/2022 09:13

Get some legal advice about the deposit.
But you need to leave. This relationship is dead in the water. The deceit would kill it for me.

Hiddenvoice · 16/03/2022 09:16

I know it’s tough going back to your parents but you’re getting away from a toxic relationship. You will have time to focus on you, build up your savings and have the life that you want.
Away from the man who lies to you and has made you feel this low!

StooOrangeyForCrows · 16/03/2022 09:23

You've been paying rent only.

Move out and take the furniture you paid for. See a solicitor to get your share of the deposit back. Paying towards a mortgage you have no name to is barmy.

5128gap · 16/03/2022 13:21

Having your name on the mortgage is not the same as having your name on the deeds. The first means you are responsible for the loan, the second means you jointly own the house. Never mind the mortgage, you're fortunate not to be tied to that. Do you jointly own the house or is that in his name only?

youvegottenminuteslynn · 16/03/2022 14:32

I'm worried that I'll have to end up moving back to my parents and start my savings up all over again to get myself out

This will be so worth it to be free.

junglejane66 · 16/03/2022 17:51

@AssignedBlobbyAtBirth

No female has male genitals Are you able to play the long game? Would he stay together if you were willing? Quick marriage then divorce in a few months and take half of everything
Sorry, sounds an awful idea
Pinkbonbon · 16/03/2022 17:58

Holy shit, run. The porn us the least of your problems. Normal people don't gaslight, it's abusers territory.

Choose yourself and choose your sanity.

collieresponder88 · 16/03/2022 18:29

Get out. You arnt what he is into. He likes penis

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread