Resentment building up...

[Mumalorian]

I'm probably being unreasonable but here goes.

Dh changed jobs months ago, it was a decent job but his MH was getting impacted too much. It worked well with family life too and general household stuff. This new job is making me resentful, it means I have to pick up the slack 99% of the time. He takes the eldest to school and is lucky to be home in time for bed 8.30ish. I'm sick of the kids not seeing there dad for more than 5 minutes of the day, I'm mentally and physically exhausted by it too. I also work 3 days a week in a demanding job.

The tip of the iceberg was when I asked him if he would be in on time for when the kids go to bed on Thursday as he's off but spending the day out with friends. I got told depends what time we go out. Bearing in mind he's also working Friday and taking dc to school. I'm all for him having time to chill. If he has an odd day off he does nothing in the house. I'm so fed up.

Can I stop this resentment building up at all?

No you can’t. Only he can do that.
Quite honestly, you’d be better off as a single parent as hopefully he’d have his kids and you’d get some time off. You’d also not feel angry and resentful.

Let me get this straight, he's working very long hours so is hardly home to spend time with you and the kids and/or to help and yet he's prioritising spending time away with friends rather than actually seeing you/ the DC?

Yeah, doesn't sound like he's hugely engaged in family life at all, does it. I'd be a lot more than resentful.

You can’t do anything but disengage to the point that you expect nothing of him so he can’t disappoint you, and then you’ll realise you don’t need him. He sounds rubbish. Doesn’t he miss his children?

@BlingLoving

Let me get this straight, he's working very long hours so is hardly home to spend time with you and the kids and/or to help and yet he's prioritising spending time away with friends rather than actually seeing you/ the DC?

Yeah, doesn't sound like he's hugely engaged in family life at all, does it. I'd be a lot more than resentful.

Yeah pretty much. We were all off with covid so he will probably day that was family time.

When he's out he's difficult to get a hold of and when he's with us always on the phone. Just sick of it time for a long discussion I think

The job isn't making you resentful. Your husband's behaviour is making you resentful.

Have you told him you feel this way? If you have, what did he say? If you haven't, what is it that stops you?

@Watchkeys

The job isn't making you resentful. Your husband's behaviour is making you resentful.

Have you told him you feel this way? If you have, what did he say? If you haven't, what is it that stops you?

No I haven't. Mainly because I'm socially anxiety I hate confrontation and end up just crying.

Tonight's behaviour has made me realise I need to say something. Went out with friends (cool whatever) but I said to him to be home before dc go to bed around 8.30. He got on the train to get home at 8.50 and still isn't home. Done fuck all before he left to go out. Messaged him to let my mum know to pick our child up straight after school as club wasn't on. He didn't bother his arse said he forgot. Was just as well my mum got my text to say club was off(she sometimes won't get my texts)

It's nothing to do with his job, is it. It's the man himself, and you're really pissed off with him but trying to excuse him by saying it's his job, or that it's just you being unreasonable.

He's shirking, isn't he, and then relying on your social anxiety to keep you quiet.

Did you both agree to him taking this new job and talk through the implications for both of you? Or is he just expecting you will take on more of the load?

I think you need to tell him how you feel, write it down/message him if you find it easier to gather your thoughts that way.

@Watchkeys yeah you're probably right

@takethecake0 No I told him my concerns about the job, he then told me it would be temporary till after Xmas bearing in mind its almost April.