Moving into partners home where he lived with ex wife

[suchatwat]

Hi, as the above , have been with partner2.5 years , I have my own mortgage free flat in a different city, his house is bigger. Originally we were going to sell both properties and get our own place, started looking , he then said why don’t we just live at his place and rent my place out. Part of me agrees to this, much less hassle for all involved, but the other part is it doesn’t feel like my place :-/ what are your options ladies ? X

I moved into the 'marital home' but it's never been an issue for me. I didn't know DH until after he split so this house has only ever been his house to me. He'd already extensively redecorated after his ex moved out. It's in a lovely location.
I actually like the house more than he does.

Do this an redecorate, you still then have your place if you need it. X

Definitely don't sell your flat, just rent it out, don't leave yourself in a vulnerable position. X

Or if you don't need to don't rent it out, but don't get rid of it, you will not be able to afford anything else in that area again in a few years if you needed to. X

@lisaandalan thanks for your thoughts , think you are right it’s best to keep my flat for now x

I did it. It was his house, then he had a brief marriage and they lived in the house, he was on his own there for a few years and then we got married and I moved in. I felt better about it when we did some decorating and bought some new curtains, carpets etc.

OP,

Good to read you are keeping the flat.

Accept he doesn't want financial help.

Save and accumulate more.
You never know when it will be of use.

Do not under any circumstances sell your place. That is a huge asset for you in your senior years. Hold onto it. It's nice you've been in a 2 year relationhip, but he is not your husband and you are not protected as a wife under the law. keep your money and assets separate from him. Consult with a solicitor about this if you have any other questions.

I'm not sure I could do this. It would feel I was stepping into someone elses position, which is ridiculous I know, but I can't imagine it ever feeling like 'ours'.
Only way it would ever be an option for me is if we completely redecorated and chose things together. But even then, I think i'd still feel weird about it.
I've never been in that position so I can't say for sure, but imagining now if my DP's old place had been his marital home. I wouldn't have wanted to move in there.