I have been in a relationship for around 4 years with someone and living together for about 2.5years.
Things have always been a little rocky but more so over the past 6m to a year.
When things are good they are good, in general we have a good life with things we need and want and the kids have a good life too in terms of things and opportunities.
However when we argue it’s bad. He is ALWAYS right, and even any admittance of wrongdoing is usually in response to me doing something to provoke it according to him.
It can be the smallest thing.
In amongst an argument. I also get mad, I storm off, can shout and will talk over. None of this is ok, but I am not one to lie down and take whatever is thrown at me without a response and I feel like nothing I say is ever listened to which is incredibly frustrating.
He will insist I am wrong. Accuse me of lying at times, and also call me names and say hurtful things about my parenting, my behaviour and things like ‘idiot and stupid.
After the arguments he sometimes apologises but not often and he will also deny saying things or ‘that’s not what he meant’
Thing is I know I am a good parent, and I also know I’m not a horrible person. But he makes me feel like both those things when it’s happening. He makes me question whether I was wrong on stuff I know I’m not. And there are double standards.
For example if I call him out on something he’s done or his behaviour it’s ‘I gave you an answer’ ‘you are wrong about that’ if it’s something I think. But if he thinks anything he ‘knows he’s right’ (even without proof, and he’s not he’s wrong!) and he won’t ever accept anything I say. It’s got worse recently where I’m made out to be the whole problem and he won’t even entertain me saying anything he may need to adjust or change.
Problem is we have things intertwined now and the kids. I don’t want my kids living in this and I have no issue being on my own with them. It’s money, we aren’t married so not sure how this works.
I have emailed a solicitor. I have worked out I could sell the main car; pay him back any money he has paid to me for the house (in my name only). And then pay off some other joint debts with what’s left. Only problem is then I will have no car and I need a car to work, probably have to get one on finance.
I want to see a solicitor to see what would happen legally. I want to pay him the money back as I just want him to go and have what he needs to move on.
Debating whether to sell the house and move closer to family which would leave some equity also as houses are cheaper where my family live.
Don’t really know what I’m asking really, is this me? Is it him? Or is it just a toxic relationship? Because I honestly don’t know anymore. Not sure it even reply matters but I’m questioning everything now.