Hi ladies, hoping for some help.
After being in an abusive relationship for 8 years and getting out, I( female 29) met a lovely man (Male 31) who was everything I could have ever hoped for. He's very kind and gentle, is amazing with my 9 year old boy and adores me. We have been going out for about a year and a half now.
When we started dating he deleted his tinder ( we met on tinder) after our second date and was very keen. We started dating and he spend days off on dates with me, and eventually staying over. What was strange when we started dating was that he'd not make a move on me, not even for a proper kiss. Even when he stayed over at 1st, he never made a move, we did eventually sleep together after about 2 months of dating, and he was very passionate. This wasnon November 11. This date is important and I'll tell you why. Our sex life was strange to start with. He enjoyed it but didn't seem to be in the mood a lot, was tired etc, often couldn't stay hard and that had a real hit on my self esteem. I had only been with my ex before that, and it threw me ad I'd never encountered this before. I consider myself a reasonably attractive woman, and this got me thinking what was wrong. Because of this I started looking through my partners phone which I'm not proud of, but I needed some answers. First of all, I found out he had been dating this woman, right before me, which he had never mentioned when we shared stuff about our previous relationships. When I confronted him about it he said she was someone he dated for a very short time, she did live with him for a bit, but only because she was crazy, on drugs and her family wanted nothing to do with her, and he felt sorry for her and wanted to help. He also said she had bit him whilst in one of her drug fuelled rages and making him end up in the hospital, and he was extremely embarrassed about the whole thing, didn't want me finding out and just wanted to put that whole part of his life behind him. I did then ask about drugs and he said he would've partied quite a bit before he met me but that meeting me was the best thing that happened to him and he stopped all that, and that he always wanted the settled life. For the record I had my son when I was young so I never got into the drug/ party scene much, a night out every now and again with a few drinks is as crazy at it gets. So that was fine I understood it.
Now there were still some issues in the bedroom, and I couldn't take it and asked if there's anything wrong with me, was he not finding me attractive, or not over his ex, and he swore it wasn't that.
So ine night whilst he was in work, I went through his emails and found he had emailed a prostitute asking to meet her in another coutry where his family lives. So he had booked flights to see his family on the 24 October and emailed the prostitute that night to arrange a meeting. I found these emails in the following March. He ended up never going to see his family due to covid, and therefore never met this prostitute. So I confronted him about this too, and swore it wasn't him. He said he had given his email password to his friend so that this friend could email his sister, and that friend must have sent that email to this prostitute. He swore on his mums life and was adamant. If you ever met this man he'd never come across as someone who would be into drugs or prostitutes, he is hardworking, people respect him and he's kind. I am quite a jealous person and do get paranoid from time to time, especially because my abusive ex was messaging orger women whilst we were together.
So I decided to give my partner the benefit of the doubt and let it go. Just to note, this email was sent before me and him had slept together.
Fast forward about a year. Recently, one of his friends was over at our house having a few drinks and they were reminiscing about the good old days, and sharing stories. And my partner started talking about a time they'd taken a certain drug and couldn't move-this was when he was already dating me. That upset me not because he did it, but because he had told me he'd not touched any drugs since he had met me. So next morning I asked him , he was saying I was making it a bigger deal than it was and that he knew I'd not want to date him if I knew everything about him straight away.
So Im Really struggling because I feel like he hasn't been honest with me and I don't fully believe that prostitute story after everything else. Our sex life is completely fine now since he changed jobs and started excercise, he was always putting him not being in the mood down to being exhausted and not liking his body as he had out a bitta weight on.
He's a great partner in every aspect, he's patient, cooks, cleans, we spend quality time together, my family love him, he's funny, really cares about my boy, more than his real father does. But I still can't help these questions I have. So should I confront him again?