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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

In sickness and in health?

5 replies

Anon84anon · 15/03/2022 11:03

I have been with DH for almost 15yrs. We were so happy and content with each other until we had children and since then (5yrs) he has completely changed for the worse. He just can’t cope with being a parent and his mental health has gone really downhill since our DC was born. He barely helps round the house, constantly shouts at us all and has childish tantrums about silly things. He is not physically abusive but is 100% mentally abusive. I have told him that on many occasions and he Denys it saying he’s just angry about the situation. I’ve really had enough and threatened to leave numerous times. He won’t leave the house so it’ll be me and the kids that have to leave our home. He has threatened to kill himself if I leave numerous times. Obviously his mental health is terrible so then I think should I stay and hope things get better because this is an illness or should I just go. He is currently swapping medications so is very volatile as his old one is out of his system and the new one hasn’t taken effect yet. I feel like I’m waiting around for the old him to come back but not sure it’s ever going to happen.

OP posts:
inheritancetrack · 15/03/2022 11:05

Blaming mental health for abusive behaviour is just a smokescreen. I would get out now. He's abusive

pointythings · 15/03/2022 11:11

Mental ill health isn't an excuse for shitty behaviour. Leave. Being around this man will be having a very negative effect on your DC.

If he threatens suicide after you've gone, contact the police for a welfare check and then detach. Every time. He'll soon stop when he realises it isn't getting your attention.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 15/03/2022 11:12

What the previous poster wrote. He is abusive and pregnancy and or birth are flashpoints for an abuser to show their true nature. This is who he is. Anti depressants won't work here; he is depressed because he is abusive and not because he is angry.

Make good on your threat to leave him; get legal advice as soon as you can also. It is not necessarily the case that your children and you will have to be the ones who leave the marital home

NoNeedToWorryAboutAThing · 15/03/2022 12:55

In sickness and in health means you won't abandon someone the minute they become ill. Not that you will martyr yourself to their abusive behaviour indefinitely.

Everyone is entitled.to.set boundaries and expectations for their own lives.

DowntonCrabby · 15/03/2022 12:57

Agree with everything PP’s have said.
Also, the suicide threats are 100% another arm of abuse and control.

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