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Original poster

STBXH being a dick about child maintenance and mortgage

66 replies

EdibleGlue · 14/03/2022 19:32

'D'H has finally agreed to move out after initially dragging his feet. I have secretly been to a solicitor and she has said he need to pay the child maintenance plus his half of the mortgage as we are still both named. He is kicking off about it saying my information is wrong and that he doesn't the need to pay the mortgage as well as maintenance. I'm not ready to reveal that I've seen a solicitor so can anyone point me in the direction of somewhere this is written so I can send him a link?

OP posts:
Mouldyfeet · 14/03/2022 20:30

I thought that if he paid half the mortgage but didn’t live in it then he could charge you rent for that half.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/03/2022 20:30

Just tell him you've seen a solicitor and this is solid legal advice, rather than 'sending him a link' to info he will dispute.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/03/2022 20:31

Not sure what the secrecy is all about if he's leaving and you're talking maintenance and mortgage payments.

Sidge · 14/03/2022 20:36

Well you’ll need a plan for moving forwards, assuming divorce is on the cards you’ll need to either buy him out and have a sole mortgage, or sell the house and split equity, buying a new place each (or renting).

His responsibility is towards the children, not you. He needs to pay child maintenance but paying half the mortgage for a house he doesn’t live in is less than clear cut.

Walkingalot · 14/03/2022 22:51

Have a look at this link - www.moneysupermarket.com/mortgages/joint-mortgages-separation/

My ex pays maintenance and half the mortgage.

GreenLunchBox · 14/03/2022 23:56

I think people are giving you crap advice here.

I was recently in this position. The ex moved out and paid someone to stay in their spare room. He agreed to keep paying his half of the mortgage (no kids together) because it's a joint asset and until I bought him out every payment he made was just going into the equity that he would finally get out of it. I do think you need to arrange to buy him out as soon as post but it's definitely not unreasonable for you to ask him to carry on paying half. That's the risk he ran when you fucked up a relationship.

The child maintenance is a separate issue.

I would just listen to your solicitor, OP, because you seem to be getting replies here from people with an axe to grind.

GreenLunchBox · 14/03/2022 23:59

*as soon as poss

*when he fucked up

🙄

Hrpuffnstuff1 · 15/03/2022 07:41

@GreenLunchBox

I think people are giving you crap advice here.

I was recently in this position. The ex moved out and paid someone to stay in their spare room. He agreed to keep paying his half of the mortgage (no kids together) because it's a joint asset and until I bought him out every payment he made was just going into the equity that he would finally get out of it. I do think you need to arrange to buy him out as soon as post but it's definitely not unreasonable for you to ask him to carry on paying half. That's the risk he ran when you fucked up a relationship.

The child maintenance is a separate issue.

I would just listen to your solicitor, OP, because you seem to be getting replies here from people with an axe to grind.

He fucked up.Grin

Just buy him out or sell the house.

toomuchlaundry · 15/03/2022 07:51

What is the plan with the house when you divorce?

MrsMoastyToasty · 15/03/2022 07:51

If he can't/won't pay the mortgage
Then you can't pay the mortgage
Then the house gets repossessed.
Then that's both your credit scores stuffed.

giggly · 15/03/2022 07:55

“If you look up my name” it would never occur to me to search out someone’s previous threads. I’d expect all the information provided on the one I was reading.
Your not coming across particularly well op.
Unfortunately one of the downsides of marital break ups is that unless you can afford it your dc may have a different standard of living.

JellybeansJelly · 15/03/2022 08:20

[quote SauceGirl]@EdibleGlue
D'H has finally agreed to move out after initially dragging his feet.
he has decided to move out by his own free will.

Not sure those two sentences of yours match up.[/quote]
One of OP’s threads are about how she can get her husband to leave…

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 15/03/2022 09:09

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

Just tell him you've seen a solicitor and this is solid legal advice, rather than 'sending him a link' to info he will dispute.
Anyone getting divorced would get their own solicitor and would be told this is just not true.
layladomino · 17/03/2022 15:42

When you split up, you also split your assets. Which means if you are staying in the house, you need to buy him out of his half.

It makes no sense that he has to pay his own rent and also half of the house.

If he keeps paying half the mortgage then you ahave to accept he owns half of your house. And when it eventually sells half of the profits are his. Some people come to that arrangement, if they can afford it. But it needs to be a joint decision. You can't tell him how it's going to be.

2DogsOnMySofa · 18/03/2022 08:36

Go via cms for the maint, that way it's all logged and if he plays silly buggers they will take the amount via his salary

As for the mortgage, as others have said, he doesn't have to pay. But someone does and if you want to stay in the house you'll have to pay.

What I would do is speak to a solicitor about how to resolve this. The issue of you paying whilst he doesn't, is that he's still entitled to 50% (ok might be slightly more or less depending on kids, divorce etc), but that % also includes any payments you make after he's left. If you do nothing, pay the mortgage for the next 10 years, he's still entitled to a % of the equity at that time. So it's best to get it all tied up via a solicitor. It took me 18 months of paying the mortgage on my own to sort it out with my ex. The valuations of the house were taken after the 18 months, so he walked away with 50% of all the equity, including 18 months worth of payments i'd made alone, and 18 months of house prise rises

Livelovebehappy · 18/03/2022 08:58

Buy him out. Contact your mortgage company and get an idea if they can give you extra lending to pay him off. Start from 50% of the equity, and get his name off the mortgage. If he remains on the mortgage and doesn’t pay half, if you do sell years from now, you may have to pay him half the equity, which would be significantly higher. A lot of men will try to get away without paying anything out, even child maintenance, but be strong, and take control of the situation. See a solicitor rather than listening to advice on here - this is a common situation and they will be able to advise in your best interest.

crispmidnightpeace · 18/03/2022 11:52

@EdibleGlue

I can cover the mortgage and all the bills without him, I'm not worried about that. I just want him to pay what he owes for our DC. It's their money, not mine
Then go via CMS.
bellac11 · 18/03/2022 11:59

Regardless of how you feel about him emotionally, its a clear financial issue about the mortgage, that you need to buy him out of the house, re mortgage in just your name, give him the equity so far, you then just have the deeds in your name and he then buys or rents something else

The maintenance is easier to fix, he owes the amount assessed.

WaterBottle123 · 18/03/2022 12:08

So can the CMS pay for those little treats etc you refer to?

He sounds awful, but it's not right for him to pay CMS AND mortgage

EarringsandLipstick · 18/03/2022 12:22

As for the mortgage, as others have said, he doesn't have to pay.

it's not right for him to pay CMS AND mortgage

These statements are nuts

The mortgage is also his responsibility. It's a jointly held asset. If the OP pays the mortgage & he pays zero to it, he will retain 50% ownership & that proportion of the equity, as well as being able to make decisions about what happens to the property.

If he does not want to pay his share of the mortgage, then he needs to (with legal advice or via mediation), work out what to do.

  1. House is sold, equity split, with OP aiming to get more of it due to providing principal accommodation for 2 DC
  2. OP gets a mortgage on her own name, takes over the property & will also have pay exH a share of the equity (and that's the problem as she may not have that to pay)
  3. An arrangement is made whereby OP stays in the house till an agreed date eg youngest DC finishes education & then house is sold with agreed equity split in favour of OP.

What he can't (or rather should not) do, I'd move out, pay nothing to the mortgage, and still expect to have all the rights of being a joint owner with none of the responsibilities.

The statement 'it's not right for him to pay CMS and the mortgage' - ok, then, he reaches an agreement with OP.

I have been in this position for several long years and finally getting it sorted (the legal wheels in Ireland move v slowly).

I can't stand this narrative that because he has to pay rent on a new property he can ignore existing financial commitments. No, he has to bloody sort them out!

OP, go back to your solicitor. Make plans to divorce, and sort out the property in that way.

Viviennemary · 18/03/2022 12:32

From his point of view why should he pay child maintenance and half the mortgage for a house he doesn't live in and have to pay for his own accommodation expenses. I wouldn't either. So you'll have to let the lawyers sort it out if you can't come to an agreement.

RantyAunty · 18/03/2022 12:35

Files all the things. Look out for yourself. He most certainly is.

gonnabeok · 18/03/2022 12:37

Im in the same situation. My ex pays half the mortgage. As a joint mortgage owner the mortgage lender contacted him to say that was what was expected. I also registered a claim with CMS for our ds so he pays that as well. he tried to lie and say he had no legal interest in our house so he could pay less CMS but I sent CMS the mortgage statement showing both names. He tried to stop paying then I reported him to CMS and they've told him if he stops paying they will seek an order where it is paid directly from his wages at source.

I am trying to move and sell the house but he is refusing offers so I am going through legal channels to get control of the sale.

EarringsandLipstick · 18/03/2022 12:37

@Viviennemary

From his point of view why should he pay child maintenance and half the mortgage for a house he doesn't live in and have to pay for his own accommodation expenses. I wouldn't either. So you'll have to let the lawyers sort it out if you can't come to an agreement.
Well, then, he needs to come to an arrangement - which it doesn't appear he's doing.

He can't just waltz off & pay his rent & ignore the fact he co-owns a property.

And you know what, he should care a little that his DC have a suitable home to live in for the 13 / 14 nights & days they'll be there. 🙄

Crikeyalmighty · 18/03/2022 15:03

A lot of this is down to what is negotiated between you and solicitors. A guy I know paid 50% of mortgage stayed on the mortgage for 8 years till his youngest was 21 and property then sold. Reason they could do this was relatively low mortgage (around£600 a month) - only 8 years left on mortgage and young teenagers. They both decided that it made sense for them to pay £300 a month each and own the house outright in 8 years— with much larger mortgages these days and much higher rents to house the 2nd person this is often simply not feasible income wise and the person staying is likely to have to be in a position to buy out the other persons equity and take on the mortgage or house has to be sold. If either party simply stop paying whilst house is sold then they risk repossession and a lesser sale value. The bank really don’t care about the ins and outs of who is not paying or why