Hey guys!
I’m looking for a bit of advice on what to do, be aware it’s going to be a long post as I want to explain everything clearly.
I been with my partner for nearly 3 years now. I would say over this time I mainly provided financially for us, stuff like bills, groceries, take aways, clothes, toiletries etc.
He has a full time job. My income is benefits which is mostly disability for my son, I do get a fair bit don’t get me wrong but let’s not pretend here that it’s a fortune, it’s enough for a very basic life for myself and my son, most months I’m worried about money and get left with pennies until payday. I make sure my son has everything tho, he comes first and I don’t spend any money on myself unless it’s absolutely necessary.
Now we started living together pretty much in June last year, I sorted all the bills, groceries etc. He did help out when I needed it, if I said to him I’m short on money he would send me money over to help out with the expenses. Over the last 2-3 months I finally managed to get all my money sorted so I’m on an okay income ( basically in June I lost half my income as I had to leave my job), but again it ain’t a fortune. So over the last 2-3 months whenever I asked him for help I asked to borrow money off him, he was happy with that as if I ask to borrow I always give every single penny back. He has helped little bit with treats like take away and a little bit of shopping but that’s it. Considering how much life has been costing lately and I’m sure everybody noticed how everything is costing more, prices going up etc it’s been really hard.
Two weeks ago I borrowed £300 of him, when I asked he was okay with borrowing but he commented that I’m on so much more money now I should be fine etc. I lied to him and said it’s just my pay dates being changed and that’s why i been struggling as I hate being questioned how much goes on what specially that all bills are always paid and he never ever goes without anything he needs. He did ask me how much I need off him a month to help out and I said nothing, I get really embarrassed about money and needing help, it’s basically a trauma response. Truth is i need him to start contributing to the household expenses just so I can catch a break and not stress so much about it.
I don’t know how to talk to him about money, I always get terrified he is going to be angry with me, question me and eventually refuse to help out, he never done so before but as I mentioned last time when I asked he wasn’t happy. I asked to borrow £200 first, and then ran out so I asked to borrow another £100 and that’s when he got a bit unpleasant and made a comment about I get much more money now than ever, where is my money going, do I need money of him monthly etc.
I can understand his side, he asked and I said no but it’s like can’t he see how much life costs? Doesn’t he think that it doesn’t matter how much I earn, we live together he should contribute to help out. He knows I struggle talking about money and having to ask for financial help causes me so much anxiety I could literally break down crying for days due to trauma I have experienced in my life. Maybe I’m just being a bitch because he has asked and I said no and now I’m moaning. I wish he would just say out of himself something along the time of ‘ I want to give you x monthly to contribute’ rather than me having to ask etc.
I told him that if I give him that £300 back this month I will be okay but the truth is I got no money left and I only been paid last week, and I’m freaking out scared as I don’t get paid again till two weeks. I know I haven’t over spend on shit, I paid the bills, done shopping that we needed and my bank account is empty.
Can anybody please advice me what to do? Do I even have a right to expect him to contribute monthly? Should I talk to him and tell him all this even tho I lied to him that I’m fine financially when I’m not, and I have known I’m not okay for a while? I’m so stressed out right now, I literally haven’t been about to sleep I’m so worried.