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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Are we just a victim of circumstances

10 replies

Sweetdreamskiwi · 14/03/2022 15:55

I met my boyfriend 18 months ago. We got together 8 months ago buy sadly just a month into our relationship he had to come out of a well paid job because he needs further back surgery. He's gone from not having to think about money to nothing. He was also just beginning to start a new life after his ex and leaving everything with her. He had nothing when we met in a house sense. He left the ex with all the furniture and appliances. He was living in a stepping stone rented house that's run down and its now being sold..so he will be possibly homeless if the council won't help.

I can't help but compare myself to his ex girlfriend. They do sort of communicate as friends from time to time, but she got bitter when we met and she's cut down massively on communication it seems. He has no interest in her anymore but in all honesty it's just shit. He doesn't post much on Facebook so it was easy for me to scroll back through. He always showed her off. In statuses, photos and occasionally gifts. He declared his feelings for her. Commented on loads of her photos and it was obvious they were a couple. He's taken a very different approach to Facebook with me. He is single. Never ever tags me in anything when he writes about himself on there. No photos but we haven't been out yet.

I know he did loads with her before the relationship broke down. Including holidays abroad. Zoos and meals.

I know we will eventually share more but I just feel so confused whether im expecting too much for this stage. I guess I want him to show me off abit more but there's nothing to show I guess.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 14/03/2022 16:00

I really hope you're not foolish enough to let him move in with you.

DenholmElliot · 14/03/2022 16:08

How are you seeing him and dating him if you don't go out? Where do you see him then?

Oh yeah, don't let him move in with you, that goes without saying really.

springtimeishereagain · 14/03/2022 16:08

Have you asked him why he's not mentioning you on FB?

I'd also be wary. Don't let him move in...

Bananalanacake · 14/03/2022 16:13

Yes, don't let him move in with you, he's an adult and can look after himself.

DatingDinosaur · 14/03/2022 16:16

Well, less about his ex girlfriend and more about the “coincidence” of him being nearly homeless and penniless soon after you get together.

He left a well paid job for back surgery. If it was a reputable company he could have taken sick pay, sick leave, compassionate leave. Not just ….leave.

His downtrodden stepping stone place is now being sold so he’ll be homeless if the council don’t help and I agree with the above poster – don’t let him move in with you. That might be what he’s hoping for. Free board and cocklodging.

But back to his ex girlfriend, what does SHE say about them splitting up and getting together (not what he says she says)? Did he conveniently need back surgery and had eviction papers served on him then?

Not that I have a suspicious mind or anything but..

Tread with caution.

Quitelikeit · 14/03/2022 16:18

You’ve not been out in 8 months?! Now that is unusual

However given he has no money it’s to be expected in a way

Why couldn’t he go on sick leave from his job?

Is this injury permanent?

Sweetdreamskiwi · 14/03/2022 16:26

He's self employed and his plif operation has come loose crushing his nerves etc. He's in absolute agony and struggles so much. It should be fixable but the Dr's are so slow moving due to covid etc.

He had a car when we first met and I was with him when an artic lorry dragged it down the road. Somehow the driver wriggled out of it and company didn't wish to pay out. Its with the ombudsman now.

He is genuine this is really happening. We haven't been out because I'd need to pay and he's in too much pain to do days out. He does want to share more with me.

It's my birthday in 2 weeks though and i feel abit unsure how I'll feel if I don't get a card at least. He can't live with me so I wouldn't...

OP posts:
DenholmElliot · 14/03/2022 16:30

So he just comes round to your house then? Is that what you're saying?

mug2018 · 14/03/2022 16:33

Not sure what you can possibly gain / get out of this relationship (& I don't mean financially) .. it hardly sounds like you are dating I just hope you're not a 'housemaid' for him whilst he's incapacitated:
He's housebound / unemployed & gives you no acknowledgment .. I think you need to set your standards a little higher.

BornIn78 · 14/03/2022 16:34

No photos but we haven't been out yet.

Huh? Does he know he’s your boyfriend? When and where do you actually see each other?

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