New name created for this...
I'm feeling very confused, upset ... and as the post name suggests... conned.
I guess what I'm looking for from this post will be some sort of validation, even advice on what's happened.
I met my husband several years ago following my very amicable, friendly divorce from exh.
We hit it off instantly, he was sweet, interesting and a joy to be around. During the initial dating period, husband told me he works a few days a week to keep him occupied following his retirement at age 32. Said he'd done well, and had no need to work really. At the time I was doing very well in my career too, I'd just brought me and my son a new house and was doing a complete refurbishment. Life was good. I fell pregnant and we decided to move in together. Husband refused to move into my house, he said he hated it, way too small. So off he went and found a lovely house for us to move into, said his friend owned it and we got a rental discount. I needed my name on the tenancy as a formality more than a financial need. Before signing, I made my concerns clear that as my maternity leave loomed, I'd have no income. Husband said its fine, the rent was a drop in the ocean ....
We move in and open a joint savings account, and as agreed all my wages of £3.5k go in. It took a few months, but he started putting his wages in too ... of £1500. Our rent alone was £2500. .... Alarm bells ring, but with my savings I sorted things out month after month. I'm told he has a huge settlement from his house sale coming in.... not to panic. We decide to buy a house together, I put mine up for sale and we discuss things with a mortgage advisor. My house money comes in .... his never did. Turns out as a very last minute 'goodwill' gesture, he signed the house over to his ex wife and child.
Pandemic hit, house plans and on hold. I'm not earning, we're living on my savings. He tells me he lost his job, and is feeling suicidal. Low and behold, he has zero savings to fall back onto. I ask about his retirement fund ... turns out he never retired... he just quit his job.
I have made alot of financial decisions based on things he has told me. He purposely deceived me and let me make decisions knowing full well he was lying to me.
I have questioned him and I'm told I misunderstood.
Back to the rental, he was friends with his boss who leant him a large sum of money to show the rental agency, and he wrote a financial reference massively inflating his wage in order to get this rental. We fell behind on bills of course and were left with massive debts which he refused to pay. I didn't want any CCJs so I agreed a monthly repayment which I am still paying.... he refuses to contribute and was happy to get a CCJ.
He is hugely financially irresponsible.
In-between times, when he proposed. He brought me a beautiful ring, but ruined the moment IMO by telling me it cost £15k and was platinum. I asked him to return it and he said no, he could afford it. I insured the ring fir the amount.... I took it to be cleaned as the 'platinum' was turnng yellow. .... jeweller told me its 9ct white gold and worth no more than £300 - £400. I confronted husband who breaks down in tears telling me he felt ashamed.
Somehow, I have become very insular. He is the only person in my life now, I have nobody I can go to for help .... this part of it scares me. It crept up on me. I don't want yo go into anymore detail on how this happened as it is outing .... but wow!! It's an odd situation I'm in. I've become enmeshed with only him.
He decided he wanted another baby, I said maybe in the future but with no career and renting our home I need more security. He starts crying, saying I've let him down .... we have sex, next day I get the morning after pill in secret (Bad of me to keep a secret I know) I fell pregnant which ended at 6 weeks. Within the week he's asking for sex, and when I refuse he says don't love him, and our marriage is on the rocks.
I know he's manipulating me. I know he was deceitful and I made many life changing decisions purely based on the information he gave me.
I want to leave, I want a divorce but am slightly stuck financially. I will be here for the rest of the year to ensure I have finances to get out. He is quite volatile emotionally, so I don't know how to go about it. Do I leave with the kids when he's at work one day? Do I tell him before I leave?