what was your breaking point?

[nomore12]

I've just walked back in the door, after an amazing two week solo holiday away.

DP has been home alone, and has left the kitchen/whole house in the worst state i have ever seen in my life. I burst into tears as soon as I saw the kitchen.

Worktops disgusting. food scraps all over the floor. sticky stuff all over/leaked in cupboards. no hoovering. wrappers all over kitchen/hallway/stairs. clothes everywhere. generally stinks. still food in the fridge from before i left (rotten). cat litter all over and not hoovered. leftover curry take away all over. i could go on.

I can't believe it. I feel like im in shock as it has repulsed me. I filmed it to make sure i wasnt dreaming!!

we've spoken about his hygiene/cleanliess issues before, but i always felt like a nag and ended up tidying up after him anyway, but i think the two weeks away (where i was thinking about our relationship anyway) has given me breathing room to take a step back and see what a disgusting slob he is.

We've been together 6 years :( I feel so horrible wanting to break up with him, but this has honestly broken me and sounds so stupid.

Did you ever hit a breaking point where there was no return?

freezer was also left wide open...?? :( ahhh he literally could not give less of a shit about our house that we worked so hard for a deposit for.

I think the important thing to remember is that the breaking point doesn’t need to be big thing. It’s an accumulation of big and little things, the breaking point is just the ‘straw that broke the camels back’ so to speak. If you’ve had enough you’ve had enough.
You say you feel horrible for wanting to break up but he clearly doesn’t feel horrible for leaving the house in this state even though you’ve spoken previously about it

These things are only small things if you don't care about them. The way he lives is negatively impacting your life and that's a pretty huge thing actually.

Horrible as it must have been to walk into that mess, it has surely made your mind up for you. Get rid and find someone more closely in tune with you. He sounds like an utter slob.

I walked into similar when I came back from hospital after having my first baby. It was also his inability to see what was wrong and the fact that he couldn't help more when I came home because he was tired. He also chose that moment to walk out of his job.

I left very shortly after this

Get rid he is a pic. Sounds like he's qualify for that TV programme dirty house SOS. My ex husband was the same, he didn't work and I work full time plus I'm disabled but when I got home from work it was a pigsty and I'd have to spend the whole evening cleaning.
The crunch point was when he decided to get into rubber and as well as living like a pig he's spend the whole day taking pics of himself in rubber catsuits and the like and not caring who saw him.
I threw him out of my house and told him never to come back.

When he called my son a "fucking prick" and a "fucking bastard" for breaking the TV by accident.

*our son

Urgh what a manchild. This would be a huge issue for me too. I’m not naturally the tidiest person, but when people are coming round, or if my DP had been away for a week I’d make sure the kitchen was tidy and rubbish put in the bins at the very least.

I did leave a holiday early after coming back to find my ex had left food out, toast crumbs all over the worktops and the cream cheese/butter out of the fridge. We’d had a big row before that and he’d promised to pull his weight and not leave all the house stuff to me. That was the final straw that week so I packed up my kids and my stuff and left them to their hovel. It was one of many many incidents of disrespect, but it took me too long to actually leave him.

He shouted at me for wearing my shoes in my house (I literally stepped inside from the patio). Tiny straw that broke the last little bit of love/respect for him. I told him I was divorcing him that evening and had no shred of doubt ever again. 30 year relationship.

To be honest, this sounds like a massive load of shit, not a tiny straw. You are clearly incompatible. Have done.

thanks so much everyone.

going to speak to him tonight, have pre-empted him with a text, and have already spoken to my friend so have somewhere to stay if needs be whilst we sort everything out.

Don't think i can stand living with him a second longer. Ahh, i'm so glad mumsnet exists!

Please don't leave the cat with him.

It's inconsiderate/thoughtless and that's the main issue here!! I'm so glad I'm in a relationship with a woman. I'm sure there's some nice men out there somewhere but most guys I have encountered are absolute idiots. Can't believe he left the freezer open 😩

I've left a relationship for less.

He decreed that I didn’t need sanitary towels and wouldn’t let me buy any.

A little thing in a long line of massive things (he was in total charge of money/everything so I couldn’t buy any myself).

@nomore12

I used to live with a man child who couldn’t seem to ‘see’ dirt/mess. I was always getting sick as he wasn’t able to do washing up/laundry/basic chores and I was made out to be a nag - it was like living with a 12-year-old but one you couldn’t punish for being so lazy/teach how to do things properly.

He was isolating in our bedroom when he had covid. He decided to rearrange the bedroom (aka put the TV/PlayStation in a more convenient place). He literally shoved everything into the middle of the floor as ‘I didn’t know where I went’ - an empty tube of Pringles/dirty crockery/dirty underwear?!

The day after he finished his isolation he was winding me up and couldn’t understand why I was crying in pure frustration that he never listens to me. That was the point I realised that I was done, and while I might be lonely for a while I knew that was the better option than being thankful of living with a 12 year old.

That was a few months ago, I cried for the first few nights as I thought I had made a mistake. You couldn’t pay me to spend another day with him now. Just thought of him makes my skin crawl.

Breaking point is always over something that would appear to others small or insignificant…but it’s not, it’s the slow and torturous build up to it.

I left my 6 year relationship because I came home and the house was a pig sty…..sounds stupid, but like I said, it’s the months/years of torture behind it.

You will know when you’ve hit breaking point because you just don’t care anymore, you have no energy left to fight for “the us” and just genuinely don’t give a shit.

Atleast yours was only 6 years, I wasted 17! (Although the first 15 we’re good) but still a waste.

I really don't know how women put up with all this..
When it comes to cleanliness it's surely a self respect ( or lack of ) issue, even MH.
Those tv programmes have disappeared as there were concerns that people with obvious MH issues were being exploited.

@Hen2018

He decreed that I didn’t need sanitary towels and wouldn’t let me buy any.

A little thing in a long line of massive things (he was in total charge of money/everything so I couldn’t buy any myself).

That is a new time low not letting you buy sanitary towels!! I am shook!