Long term marriage issues

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We’re going through a really rough patch in our marriage and I’ve realised I’ve been a crappy wife. I’ve been domineering - always wanting my own way, needy and contemptuous. Writing it down makes me feel sick. Is there any way back from this?

I’m working on changing myself but obviously it’s a long process. I’m reading lots of relationship books and having lots of uncomfortable realisations. I haven’t always been like this and I think I’ve identified part of the trigger as a very scary post birth situation where I came close to dying which triggered in me a need to be in control of everything. I really want to save my marriage but worry that it’s too late.

Has your husband made you aware of this or have you realised this yourself? Has he told you he is leaving?

He’s not leaving but he’s not happy and no longer sees a future for us. He’s told me that the main reason why is he feels I don’t treat him with respect - I’ve made him feel like his opinion doesn’t count.

Hello OP

The first thing that struck me about your post is that it's rarely only one person's fault. You describe yourself as a "crappy wife" but I am sure there are lots of ways in which you are a good wife, and probably some ways in which your husband is less than perfect. It sounds as if you've been through a very hard time. Have you had any help/counselling for your anxiety or seen your GP about it?

To answer the question- yes, absolutely, provided both parties are willing to work for it.

How is his behaviour? Are you really the only one to blame here?

If he's not leaving then surely you can both work together to put things right? I'm sure he isnt perfect either

I think if he’s said he doesn’t see a future then it’s hard to see a way back. I also think it’s unlikely that you are the only one at fault though.

Why is he staying if he doesn’t see a future? It’s quite a manipulative thing for him to say

Why do you think it's all your fault? Is he telling you this? I ask because at our lowest point, H kept telling me it was all my fault... all his drinking, depression and emotional abuse was because I couldn't be a better, more caring, more sympathetic spouse. Spoiler alert - it wasn't me.