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Getting back to where we were.

2 replies

SnowdropViolet · 14/03/2022 09:33

DH and I had a tough decade between the ages of 30 and 40 - recurrent miscarriages, a premature baby who needed a lot of care, financial problems, a bereavement.

Things should be brilliant now - we have two wonderful, healthy children, a nice home and though we're not wealthy, we don't have to worry about meeting the bills. Our washing machine died last month and we just bought a new one without having to make savings elsewhere.

Somewhere along the way of slogging through our thirties we stopped having fun together. We were tag-teaming each other to care for our children, and our whole focus shifted away from us as a couple to us as parents.

Our marriage is solid in the sense that we both absolutely trust each other and know that the other has our back, but we only have fun as a family (and we do have fun as a family!)

When it's just us, we find it difficult to enjoy each others company. We do something to make an effort - go out for a meal, or visit somewhere and that's fine - but when we're not actually making the effort we often irritate each other, or have nothing to say to each other that isn't about the children.

We sleep in separate rooms and don't have a sex life, though we do still hold hands / hug etc.

Has anyone else managed to move back from being a parenting team to being a couple? Or is this just how long term marriages end up?

OP posts:
Rocktheboat56 · 14/03/2022 10:36

Children are a 24/7 job unfortunately and unless you have grand parents it's hard to get time to yourselves. Sounds like outside of the kids and work you guys have sort of lost touch.

Besides the above what do you guys actually do? When was the last time you took a holiday, joined a club, went to the cinema, tried a new recipe. I've had a week myself where all I've done is work and then I find I have little to talk to my partner about.

May be start by finding a tv series you two can get interested in. Could be a good starting point. Try and remember why you two fell in love.

SnowdropViolet · 14/03/2022 11:14

We do have grandparents - not close enough to do casual babysitting but very willing to do planned overnights.

We had a night away for our anniversary and it was lovely, though no suggestion of sex, but once we were home we were back to square one.

Watching Netflix series is something we do occasionally and again it's enjoyable, but doesn't seem enough.

We spend a lot of our lives mildly irritated with each other.

OP posts:
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