How to get thru breakup

[wholeworldiscrashingin]

Have split with guy I've been seeing for 3 years. Feels like my worlds caving in. Already suffer anxiety and depression. I know it's over. I know he isn't treating me well and never will. So many red flags. But it is tearing me apart. I can't eat, I have been sick so many times and feel like I am going to vomit constantly. My heads going everything over and over and I don't know how to get out of it and move on. I'm a lurker and you all always have so I hope good advice. How can I ever get through this and not feel this sick dread and hurt

Distract yourself. Take up a new hobby or interest. This is beneficial to your mental health, and will help you forget about the ex. Remind yourself that no-one can make you happy. Only you can make you happy, and other people coming along are just the icing on the cake. Sometimes the icing isn't to your taste so you have to reject what is offered and look elsewhere. Nicer to be single than with the wrong person. Do some reading and therapy to make yourself a resilient single person. I really hope you feel better soon.

It’s a proper trauma. I found a project helped whether that’s a fitness goal or redecorating a room. It made me push forward and to go over & over everything. Get all new bedding - reclaim your space.

Also podcasts (Break up bestie) and others not related to love. Your mind is going to be so busy so you need a break.

Keep a diary.

It’ll feel awful but you will get through this in time.

So sorry you're going through this OP.

It's been a long, long time since I went through similar, but I still remember that awful sick feeling when you can't eat, sleep or think of anything else.

The only way is time. I know you don't want to hear that, but the saying time is a great healer is absolutely true. In the meantime you need distractions. Meet up with friends, read books, watch films; anything you can think of to take your mind of your situation and in time you'll find you'll stop thinking of him at all

You will get through it, OP. I wrote a similar post years ago on here asking the exact same question. I couldn't imagine continuing. Getting through each day is your goal and it WILL get better. Focus on yourself and be kind. I know it doesn't make sense right now but it will :)

Thank you all you have given me some hope. It really does just feel like there is no way forward though I'm only managed the basics to get through the day. I just feel total dread in pit of my stomach and so sick. I'm going to try some of your suggestions tonight. I'm not a drinker normally and have to drive to work early so can't but really just want lots of gin to numb me and knock me out. The feeling of hurt is so all encompassing I can't get away from it. I can't concentrate on anything to read or listen cos my mind just drifts. I have Netflix on with subtitles to try and draw me in more but nothing I've put on is taking hold of me enough. I've found the break up bestie podcasts and have started listening to one now. Did you purchase the courses or just listen to podcasts?

Oh you poor thing ❤

Real heartbreak like this is horrific. I experienced it (and still do, but easing) in January this year, for the first time in my life. I'm not young. (See Utterly, utterly heartbroken thread).

In my experience it's like a bereavement.

Be really, really kind to yourself, and just hold on. It feels awful now, and it's almost impossible to imagine that will change. But 8 weeks on, it has. I'm stil sad. But I can eat. I don't cry every day.

Distraction is very good. Anything at all. From Wordle onwards. Mumsnet is good too. Hang in there x

Sweetie, he's a dick. You're a fabulous emotionally sensitive and wonderful woman. Save your emotions and bandwidth for some stud that truly deserves it because this guy surely doesn't. Its hard, it hurts, but time is always the best healer. You'll see, he'll be nothing but the shit off your shoe one day and you'll be a fabulous go getter. Feel the power chick xxxxx

I cleaned like a demon for weeks, like emptying all kitchen cupboards, all storage cupboards, threw heaps of stuff out.
Then came the music phase, long long walks every day with brilliant music, leave no room for thoughts, just sounds and a good energy, plus the exercise and being outdoor helped.

Took about 3ish months to get to a good headspace.

If you've been treated badly (and consistently) through the relationship, look up trauma bond. It's really common for people who have been treated badly (abusive or not) and have held out hope of that person treated them better eventually (normally backed up with them promising to "change") to feel an almost addiction to the person who treated them like shit. I know this only too well and it's horrible.

It will pass - keep yourself busy, drink plenty of fluids, keep in touch with your friends and family. If he behaved like a dick, I promise you you've dodged a bullet.