fourth date

[jamestaylor23]

I've been seeing a lovely woman for 3 weeks now and we're going into our fourth date. In between dates what would be considered a good level of communication once you've already confirmed to see each other again?

Over the past week its been 50/50 between us both on initiating text but just wanted to gauge what's enough to keep things steady and not overkill

OK so for me...

Say you have had a Saturday date and talk about having a date next Saturday. I would text her that night to thank her for the date.

Then for me...I'd be happy enough with just one text convo mid week to pretty much just check Saturday was still on and sort the details.

However, some ppl may want more.

So I would go with - quick 'how's you're week been so far?' convo around Mon or Tues. Maybe a funny gif exchange or something. Keep it light.

And a finalising the plans for meeting on the Saturday on the Thursday evening. Both short convos.

Your 4 dates in so no need for more than that.
No 'good moring' bs.

You're just dating so no need to be in one another pockets.

...and infact i'd possibly just do the Thurs evening chat via phonecall.

But i know some ppl don't like calls.

For me it would depend a lot on things like -

Are you exclusively dating or still seeing other people?

Were the 4 dates all evening/day or just an hour or so for a coffee and a chat?

How quickly is she replying to your messages and you to hers? If she’s taking a long time to reply she could be playing games and making a point about how long it’s taking you, or she could be busy and not really want more contact, but it would be useful to know which for future reference!

The best thing would be to ask her. Next time you meet in person just say that you enjoyed the gif/photo/message she sent you this week, it makes you smile when you get a message from her or something, and say you want to see how she feels about texting/calling in general, whether she prefers texts or calls or FaceTime. How often she’d be comfortable etc.

For me with my Ex he would prefer calling and I hate the phone, so would prefer a text as I can answer when convenient. He’d always call in the middle of me cooking dinner or something, and while it was nice to hear from him, I knew it was because he was driving home, so it was a good time for him, but annoying for me. Sometimes I would text him during the day, and not hear back until 11pm or so. That pissed me off. You haven’t had 30 seconds all day or evening to send a reply, seriously?!

So it’s good that you’re curious about finding the right level. But honestly people are all different so the only way you’ll know is by asking her.

I've had two recent really nice "early dating periods". One was more like date Sat, quick chat Sun, a few day's gap, chat thurs, chat Fri, then another date Sun. I couldn't maintain my interest on anything less. I like to hear what people are doing and how they engage with their lives.

The other one we started talking about anything and everything, then just never really stopped. We have been texting all day every day. He's wonderful. But the other guy is also nice, it's horses for courses.

I just couldn't do one short chat midweek. Aren't they thinking about you? Aren't you thinking about them?

If I don't have daily contact, I wouldn't keep my interest going. After four dates I'd expect to know if we are exclusive, I would know by then. Everyone is different though. Ask her.

After our first date dh and I rang each day. Was a while before we got a mobile as this was 26 years ago. Once we got a mobile we would text several times a day.

@SunshineCake1

After our first date dh and I rang each day. Was a while before we got a mobile as this was 26 years ago. Once we got a mobile we would text several times a day.

Oh gosh. I'd have gone mental if someone did that xD He wouldn't have lasted the week. I would have felt so smothered. But if you were both like that then it's fine because you're compatable.

Me personally, 4 convos per week is the absolute max I would stand from anyone, let alone someone I'd just started dating. I'd assume anyone messaging me every day was some sort of love bomber.

Well only I in that it did turn out to be love. Been together over 26 years now.

solid advice here thank you.

All dates have been evening. I'm not sure if its too soon to be having exclusive chats at this point? I thought we'd need more time together to build comfort/commitment and I don't want to scare her off.

I want to respect her space but at the same time let her know I'm interested and not playing games.

We've held off on sex up until now so I'm sure the dynamic will change afterwards.

she usually replies to texts within 1-5 mins so her engagement is high.