Unwanted gifts

[AHungryCaterpillar]

My ex doesn’t see our kids at all and hasn’t for a few years, despite this he has been sending presents for them on their birthdays (only started this recently last 2 years) my kids don’t want anything to do with him and don’t want the gifts (I have asked them and they said they don’t want them) I’ve told ex this and asked him not to send anything but he said he “doesn’t believe me” 🤷‍♀️ And he will still be sending them, so what do I do with the unwanted gifts, should I refuse them at the door?

Refuse them. Every time.

If I refuse them will they let him know? I know he will get a refund but will he get any notification to say they have not been delivered? Just want him to get the hint as not sure he will notice otherwise and probably think they’ve been delivered

Either refuse or donate them. You can't force the kids to accept them so give them to someone in need.

Would your kids be happy to donate them to a local children's charity/charity shop?

I don’t really want him to keep sending so would rather not donate.

Have you got the kids to tell them they don't want them? I know you said they don't see him face to face but if they other contact via phone example.
If not, you can't force him to stop so to me your choice is to refuse to accept, accept and bin immediately (its his money to waste) or accept and donate.

You're not willing to keep accepting the gifts so that leaves refuse. Is it something he is dropping off or is it deliveries?

Will it impact any contact reviews if you have then? What I mean is does it make you look like the bad guy (like he says, he doesn't believe they don't want the gifts) so look like you are stopping any positive contact from him to them?

The kids don’t speak to him at all, there is no contact. Yes it’s deliveries but it catches me off guard as I had a delivery for my son so opened the door and was handed it at the same time. He doesn’t believe they don’t want them as he doesn’t believe him being absent has any affect on them.

"I don’t really want him to keep sending so would rather not donate"

Donating these unwanted gifts is the best option here. He is not going to stop trying to hoover you all back in by controlling you like this. You should certainly not acknowledge these items as an individual because that is a response and that to him is the reward.

He doesn’t want to see them so it’s not about control. He has no interest in seeing them.