I don’t feel loved

[Leemay32]

If been with my partner for 14 years I am currently 28 weeks, my problem with him his that he always invalidates my feelings whenever I open up to him. Our last date was over a year ago and since I fell pregnant he only touches me when he wants sex which is once a week or once every two weeks. He also doesn’t hug, kiss or snuggle with me there are times when I lay next to him and try to cuddle him and it’s like hugging a piece of board when I tell him to put his arms around me he tells me that it’s okay to hug him but he doesn’t want to hug me at present.

I work 9-5 in a very stressful environment and he chose to work 6 day per week 13:30-22:30, we don’t get to spend time together or go anywhere. By coincidence this week both of us are off work for 7 days, when he’s home all he does is sleep or on WhatsApp constantly then he’ll get dress and ho visit a “family member or friends” and he stays out until almost midnight or after midnight. I confronted him and mentioned that he puts everything and everyone before me and his daughter, he tells me that I am too dramatic, sensitive, cries too much or he’ll say something like “you’re worried about me cheating! stop worrying me don’t forget you’re pregnant”. “who do I live with and come home to? you! A lot of women are doing it alone”.

I do all the household chores by myself and sometimes my 10 year old will help out depending on what I am doing. Anything m to do with our daughter events, parties, cinema… it’s always down to me. I feel so alone in this relationship and it’s like it’s gotten worse since I fell pregnant. Last night when he was out at his friends house warming party (which I wasn’t invited to) I flooded his phone with messages telling him out much I am hurting inside he hasn’t responded to one of the message. I am sooooooooooooo fed up with his selfishness I feel unloved and unwanted.

You've been together 14yrs and have a 10yr old

He showed you he was useless, why have another baby.

You are nothing more than a shag, housekeeper and childcare.

He is out doing god knows what, with god knows who.

I would leave him

It won’t end well for you, been there, done it.
Start saving those pennies!

It sounds like you are doing it all working all those hours and pregnant you are super mum lol I'd never treat my girlfriend like that it doesn't sound very nice of him at all and he just sounds like a complete twat. Just an opinion from an average bloke. The one person said leave him but that would be easier said than done especially with children involved you need to sort it put between the two of you and have a proper discussion about your problems with one another. If that doesn't work you need to try counselling.

I doubt very much if such a man would haul his arse to any counselling session. After all he likely thinks he is doing nothing wrong here so the fault is hers.

Better to be apart than to be in such a miserable sounding relationship in which he has the vast amount, if not all of the power and control. I presume your 10 year old has his surname rather than your own too.

You feel unloved and unwanted because you are indeed unloved and unwanted. You have allowed yourself to be used as his cook, cleaner, quick shag and bottlewasher.

Would you want your DD to have a relationship like this as an adult, no you would not. What do you think she is learning about relationships from you both here?. This is patently not the relationship model you should be showing her. What sort of a relationship did your parents show you?.

You feel unloved and unwanted because he doesn't love or want you. He's made that very clear in his actions. You need to understand that you can't force someone to love you or treat you well when they don't want to. You are responsible for your emotional wellbeing and in this case, this means leaving this knobhead behind you and finding someone better.

This is so sad to read. You clearly have a lot of love to give.
I think you are wasted on your selfish dp. Somehow he has stopped appreciating you and your worth as a partner and lover.
Any chance you could get away, so you can think really clearly about your and your dc future? Even a night away in a budget hotel may give you space to see what you need to do. Take the next day off annual leave, phone off. (Sunday nights in Premier Inns are cheapest)
Your 'd'p is not nice. It is shameful how he is using you. An absolute disgrace.
Sending you a big hug xx

I have suggested counselling sessions at my expense but he isn’t interested because “Talking to strangers doesn’t solve anything” think what I find very frustrating is that my 10 year old is very needy of me I constantly have to remind her she has two parents she should ask her dad for help as well. For example both of them will be in the living room, she would call me or come to me for help rather than ask for his help, if she is hungry she wants me to prepare something, if she wants to do something, go somewhere, play games she we bug me whilst he’s there doing nothing. I know it’s not her fault but it’s frustrating that she relies on me for everything and he doesn’t see a problem with it.

Before the pandemic I would occasionally dress up and go out and he would get jealous when he sees how good I look. My current pregnancy is planned tbh he suggested it few years ago but I wasn’t ready so my question is why plan a baby if you don’t want to be with me. I have also realised that whenever I threatened to end the “relationship” he would say who’s going to take on a woman with a young baby. It’s as if he used this child to trap me.

I don’t want my daughter thinking this type of relationship is normal and healthy because it’s not. I am saving up some money to move later on in the year and I don’t plan on registering the baby in his name.

Yesterday I morning I took several buses with no destination in my just wanted a break from the house. I was also planning on taking my daughter away on 3 nights break hopefully that will give me a lil break from home.

He won’t change. You are a useful housekeeper to him. You need to accept that. He really is no great loss.

Get rid of him. You barely see one another and seem to do all of the domestic and childcare so what difference would it make to not have him around? Besides not making you feel crap about yourself

I am planning to leg go off this unnecessary baggage however I am scared as I am expecting a baby I feel trapped between a rock and hard place BTW today he slept most of the day, in the afternoon he got dressed and went to his sister for dinner. He only extended an invite about 50 minutes before he left the house. I know hate is strong but I am starting to feel like I hate him.

Your relationship is dead and over. Get away from him as soon as possible, and I wouldn't wait for the baby to be born. Your life will improve immediately without him in it.

You are facing the hard bit, that this man does not love and care for you.

It's horrible to admit that you know your partner doesn't care but he doesn't, he cares for himself. Now if anyone else in life was so heartless would you have them in your life, I doubt it. You have to view him through different eyes, imagine he is a stranger who just wants to take advantage of you and you need rid.

He is of no use to you, no help, no support, emotionally of physically, he is pointless in aiding your life.

I understand you are pregnant so maybe you are not ready to move on yet but keep in mind this tally of how much you do for him and the family and how much he does for you, he certainly isn't a credit to you, more of a debit.

I know I wouldn't be cooking, cleaning and fucking him for sure. Is it worth holding onto a turd like this.

He's crap.

This is just not what a women needs when pregnant. You should find other things to occupy you too easier said than done I know. You must of had baby by now.May I ask how your keeping?