Can a relationship be rescued?

[namechangeforthisone22]

I was wondering if anyone had got to the point they thought their relationship was over and was headed to separation / divorce and actually came back from that and ended up happy again?

Ours is the “typical” story, though maybe our ages are a bit younger than most for each stage. Met as older teenagers, fell pregnant in the first few years of the relationship. Moved in together because of the baby. Bought a house, got married, had another baby, all by mid 20s.

We used to have a fab relationship, both young, money to go out and do stuff together, plenty of sex. Then I got pregnant. Things were fine until our eldest was a few months old. Thing I had PND but as I began to feel better our relationship improved and we actually ended up getting married and having another baby. Youngest now primary school age.

As I’ve seen so many times on here the relationship has gradually spiralled downwards so much the last few years. Started off as the odd argument here or there but would always say sorry and make up. We still appreciated each other and did kind things for each other.

Slowly that’s all stopped and I feel resentment has kicked in on both sides and we bicker all the time, sometimes massive arguments. The only time we do anything together is with the kids. Even in the evenings when the kids are in bed we sit on separate sofas in the evening and don’t really talk. We go to bed at separate times, don’t have sex any more. It just seems the relationship is “done” and I don’t want it to be but I don’t know if there is any way back from this.

I strongly suspect I have some sort of depression and have for the longest time but I got really good at hiding it but I’ve finally realised it now and am making steps towards getting help. I’m hoping this is going to help us but I’m not blaming myself solely for this situation.

Has anyone else been in this kind of situation and managed to come back from this rather than splitting up? Or is it more of the case when it’s done it’s done and you should just call it a day? I just don’t know what to do anymore and I’m very sad about it all.

Have you discussed the future with your DH ?
Would you consider counselling ?

We almost split up 2 years ago but agreed then we didn't want to. Things were better for a while but they've slipped back again.

I've said about counselling before but he didn't seem keen on the idea. He may do if I say it's a deal breaker.

The cost would be a big thing, we would struggle to pay for it though I'd find a way if it meant keeping our family together

So this has been going on for over two years.
I guess the question is how much longer you want to keep trying.
Just don’t waste your life staying if you want to leave.

@GeneLovesJezebel

So this has been going on for over two years. I guess the question is how much longer you want to keep trying. Just don’t waste your life staying if you want to leave.

He told me today (after a massive row yesterday) that he thinks fundamentally we are ok but are just tired. That we need some excitement back in and be us as a couple and not just a mum and dad.

This has given me a glimmer of hope. I don't feel ready to throw the towel in yet and will ask him about counselling.

I’m older than you OP (currently mid 40s) and things not great in our very long term relationship. I’ve been with DH over 20 years but I’m unhappy and we are not getting on. Haven’t gone down the therapy route yet but I know we probably should.

I’d also love to hear from posters who have recovered their relationships after feeling on the verge of splitting…it might give us some hope!

Seriously couples therapy is cheaper than divorce!!!

Both of you airing your resentments and being accountable to making changes with a therapist can make a huge difference.