DH changed since marriage.. contemplating divorce.

[Maria309]

Hi, I’ve been married for a little over a year at first it was really good but a few months into my marriage i started to realise my DH was not the man I thought he was, he hid his real self from me.

When we first me he seemed like a really genuine man with his life goals in order which attracted me to him. He would say the right things and treat me really well. Of course we weren’t living together so I didn’t exactly know him as much as I thought I did.

When we got married and I moved in with him I realised he is a regular weed smoker (i never knew this I’m really against drugs) he comes home stinking of it. When he doesn’t smoke he is very aggressive, he argues and says very nasty things to me. At one point he arched over me like he was going to hit me but he stopped himself and walked out of the house.

I have fallen out of love with him rapidly it feels like all my efforts are going unnoticed. Most nights I avoid being around him whilst he smokes downstairs I usually sit upstairs in our bedroom. Its been about 8/9 months where I’ve genuinely contemplated divorce I don’t know what to do.

Im scared of being single again.. during this time I contacted an ex who was really good to me but we stopped talking as my work life was getting too much for me (although he did try and save the relationship i needed a break. we were teenage sweethearts) he never made an advance on me and wished me happiness before we stopped talking. That conversation over the phone alone made me feel more love than i have felt from my husband in so long. My ex told me he has a new woman and its made me really jealous i dont know why. The reason i lost interest in him was because I was spending more time with my current husband who was a work colleague at the time.

I feel like i have made a massive mistake. My life is a mess. Im stuck in a dead marriage at the age of 24. The only person I’ve spoken to is my ex he was really supportive and gave me good advice. I know i cant fall back on him anymore even though i want to as he has a new girl as his priority now. Has anyone else divorced at a young age? How did it go?

You're 24. Divorce now and be free. You have plenty of time to find love.

Why are you hesitating about divorcing him? Yes this is an embarrassingly short marriage but it's not as if your husband is going to be any better in the future - he still going to be aggressive, argumentative and nasty when he's not smoking weed. I'm not sure why you're scared of being single again - I'd be having cold sweats at the idea of being married to this man. It's not as if you'll be going round with a sign saying recent young divorcée. At 24 years old you've got loads of options and have plenty of time to meet the right man. Next time just make sure you know them a lot better before getting married. I know hardly anybody who has married somebody without living with them.

Go consult a solicitor and start things moving.

Absolutely ditto @Baaaa get a divorce and find yourself again

Do not be afraid to be single again. Why is being single apparantly so bad to you?. What are you so afraid of?. Don't become 25 and still be married to this man. Being in a dead marriage is a lonely place.

And what Baaaa wrote too.

24! So young. And you don’t have kids. Cut and run. Seriously you have your whole life ahead of you. You can start again and have your pick of men! Do you have family you can move in with? Any good friends?

Do not waste any more time. You will never get it back. See a divorce solicitor who will tell you what you need to start the process.
You have learnt lessons and this is good in itself. Take time for yourself, be with your family and friends and enjoy your life again.

Divorce now. It is hard. There is some kind of invisible line once you get married that makes it seem harder to leave. But if you're not happy, it really is better to leave now, rather than wait and be miserable for the next 5+ years. I knew someone who divorced within a year of getting married.

Argh, posted to soon. I don't know why they divorced, but I have always thought how brave she was and how I wish I'd had the guts to do the same rather than trying to change myself in the hopes it would make my own marriage better.

If you weren't married you would of run for the hill . Sack him off and keep away from the EX

You will only become more unhappy the longer you leave it. Get some legal advice about how you would go about divorcing (ie all the legal implications) then start looking for alternative accommodation. It can be quite overwhelming but get out soon before things get any worse

You have the strength to leave him, you are young and deserve to be happy. Make your plans and just go.

Please leave OP - you are pretty much a baby!

I guarantee you will find someone else (not that it matters - you should enjoy being alone for a while) but you are not going to live the rest of your life alone - that's ridiculous.

And if you are having sex with this loser please ensure your contraception is ironclad.

OP, what are your options if you don't divorce him? And why are you afraid to be single again? How could being single possibly be worse than what you have now?

Divorce and move on.

Don't be scared of being single.

Don't waste a minute longer with this man. He is abusive.

Get divorced ASAP.

Why are you scared of being single ? Being single is great ! Loads of time to find love again.

Divorce him and run for the hills. Never look back.

Im scared of being single again..

Please don't be! You'll be fine and much happier. Being single is great!

Dump this loser before he starts abusing you. He was unfair by letting you marrying who you thought he was, not WHO he is.

Not your fault. Speak to your family/friends and a solicitor and file for a divorce on Monday morning. Can you stay somewhere else tonight?

Get rid I’m 15 years in with a weed smoker I’ve had enough of being broke.

You're 24. Divorce this loser and then spend some time building yourself up until you are no longer afraid of being single. Self-confidence and happiness are attractive!

@Crumbs22

Do not waste any more time. You will never get it back. See a divorce solicitor who will tell you what you need to start the process. You have learnt lessons and this is good in itself. Take time for yourself, be with your family and friends and enjoy your life again.

This. Who cares that it's a few months.

The good news is you don't have children and can move on.

Kindly meant, but what was the rush?

You never lived together and are only 24?

Very young.

Get out and learn from this.

Don’t waste your life, get out now

I got married and had my first child at 21. I'm now divorcing him at 25.

You deserve to be happy.

I believe in you.