Leaving off engagement ring

[Taleas0ldastime]

My fiancee and i are engaged almost a year. We had an argument recently, we didn't see each other for a week but were still in touch although things were strained. She called in Thursday night so we could talk things through and i realized she wasn't wearing her engagement ring. She claimed that she took it off to put hand cream on and forgot to put it back on. I accepted this until she said it had been 2 days previously. She insisted it was a mistake, and thinks I'm overreacting for saying i think it was deliberate and probably a bit manipulative. Could you seriously "forget " to wear your ring for 2 days??

[quote Taleas0ldastime]@SpringBeavers i think youre right, i think she might be insecure and her immediate reaction when theres any sort of disagreement is to kind of get in first and threaten to end it as a self protection thing so i don't do it to her.[/quote]
Then she needs therapy, not a partner.

It's abusive to dangle a break up over your head every time you disagree on things.

And tbf, a healthy relationship...wouldn't involve these concerns.

She is in therapy but it appears to be a slow process. I love her and want to support her but dont want to lose myself in the meantime.

Suggest ending the engagement and continuing living separately for the moment. Doesn’t sound like the relationship is stable.

Are you in therapy as well? That could be good if you can afford it.

I think this whole relationship doesn’t sound great, she’s threatening to leave you over only small disagreement, you’re jumping to conclusions over a piece a jewellery, doesn’t sound like things are in a great place.

For context, I wear my engagement ring now & again and can’t remember the last time I wore my wedding ring but it’s not something DH has ever noticed or cared about.

Jewellery doesn’t define our relationship so it’s just not a big deal for us and I’d think he was nuts if he suggested otherwise.

I'm in therapy as well on and off and we live separately. My children have additional needs and I'm not willing to upset things for them. Maybe i am just jumping to conclusions over the ring...the timing just seemed a bit coincidental i suppose considering its the first time since getting it she's left it off this length.

The timing’s probably not coincidental, given your argument and her history of suggesting ending the relationship. But removing the ring seems a side issue, the main thing is the relationship issues.

It’s not great to go a week without resolving an argument either: which of you was behind that? If one more than the other, seems like the ‘silent treatment’ which can be emotionally abusive.

@Loopytiles we were both behind it to a certain degree...i hate trying to resolve things by text because we go round and round in cirlces and get nowhere. She refused to come in at the weekend and talk and i had a really important exam on Wednesday (just finishing a masters in uni) and had an interview to prep for so asked for a couple of days to get them out of the way before we met. She came Thursday night onve they were over.

Yes I took mine off 2 days ago and haven't remembered to put it back on. I put in safely in a put in a drawer so it's out of sight so I don't remember to put it on by spotting it out

I only wear mine when I go out. If I wear it all the time it’ll get wrecked. Why would I need to wear it in the house anyway? There’s only me and DH here and we don’t need a visible symbol of marriage - we already know we’re married!

Maybe its insecurity on my part. I suppose I'm coming to terms with the fact we won't be able to live together any time soon and maybe thats upsetting me more than i realised.

I accepted this

You have nothing to 'accept'

The engagement seems odd when you have no plans to live together.

I haven't worn my engagement ring for 2 years and my wedding ring for about 6-12 months as I kept getting really dry hands with constantly washing / sanitising through covid. I've been married almost ten years. It's not an indication of anything.

@Cas112 I've already explained what i meant by that...if you ask a question and someone answers you listen and accept what they say. That's all. @Loopytiles there have been some changes in the circumstances of our children since we got engaged which means its going to make living together quite difficult for some time as these issues are going to have to be prioritised.