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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Cannot get him out of my head!

6 replies

Katywester · 12/03/2022 07:32

Hi all, I'll try and keep this short. I've been with my partner 10years, 2 children, reasonably happy but often wonder if there's more. Partner isn't very loving, romantic, doesn't instigate anything. doesn't help much with kids, things are just blah I guess.
There's this guy who works in a pharmacy close to me that I visit for prescription for myself of the kids. He attempts small talk but being in a chemist its awkward as it's so quiet there. I don't actually know anything about him and he's not on social media. But as strange as this may sound the first time we I laid my eyes on him it was a feeling of a strong connection that I've never experienced in my life. He will wave when we pass each other in the car. I just can't get him out of my head at all, most days, sometimes all day and he is often in my dreams!!

I've tried keeping away from the chemist, taking o different route to work as we usually pass each other etc but I cannot shake it off.
Help me please I feel like a lost puppy or in a teenage crush!
I'm early 30's if this helps.

OP posts:
LampLighter414 · 12/03/2022 08:56

Limerence

Shesmyperson · 12/03/2022 09:14

Limerence is becoming ones of the most Iver used words on here

Op it's a crush. Probably fuelled by your relationship being pretty poor. You don't sound pretty happy at all.

I would try and concentrate on your own relationship. Do you want to work on it? Do you think it can be fixed? Etc

gingerhills · 12/03/2022 09:15

Yes it sounds like limerence. When you get a sudden intense crush on someone who in some way fulfils an emotional need. E.g. I had it once on a very sweet, innocent man at work...just after I lost my first baby. DH was exceedingly busy in a high-powered job at the time and really didn't grieve in the same way I did. This man was quite waif-like and needed looking after. It went away when I went on work placement elsewhere, came back and he was just this short bloke who hadn't got his act together in life Grin

The fact that he hands over medicine to help you and your children feel better is quite revealing. You need someone in your life who you feel looks out for your wellbeing and theirs, and your husband doesn't. You need to address this problem in your marriage. And actually, maybe switch chemists as limerence is a really horribly powerful mental blip.

CandyLeBonBon · 12/03/2022 09:15

@Shesmyperson

Limerence is becoming ones of the most Iver used words on here

Op it's a crush. Probably fuelled by your relationship being pretty poor. You don't sound pretty happy at all.

I would try and concentrate on your own relationship. Do you want to work on it? Do you think it can be fixed? Etc

Well that's you told @LampLighter414 eh?! 😂
LampLighter414 · 12/03/2022 20:03

@CandyLeBonBon GrinGrinGrin

CoffeeCupz · 13/03/2022 05:47

I had this same situation about 2 years ago I'm not married no kids, together 7 years (9 now) we were going through rough patch arguing constant and not happy at home, I met a man at work and was just an electrical pull never felt anything like it we got on so well really clicked he told me he liked me and wanted meet up me outside of work I even said yes I would!, I used to dream about him all the time too, but it upset me about leaving my partner so I decided even though was really hard to change jobs and distance myself from other man. I sometimes wonder what could have been but made my choice to stay and concentrate my current partner it just hurt me and didn't want loose him, I just needed snap out of it but I now how it feels when it's all you think of and it's that feeling you haven't felt in so long since the beginning of a relationship you just want to feel it all time giddy and so so happy/excited! But please decide what you want as I did! If it pains you to loose current guy then I think that's the answer! Good luck!! I'm 28 by the way 😂....

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