Hate separation

[Onelastgo22]

I hate this, I really do.

I know it's probably the right thing, but I hate being apart from my kids, I can't stop loving my husband and I worry that the sadness at losing my family unit will never go.

It is so, so painful.

It makes me want to ask him to come back, even though I know things weren't right and I doubt they would be going forward, but I don't think I will ever get over this.

Sorry for the moan, but need to let it out.

Oh gosh! Sorry my post wont be any help to you. But just know im going to go through the same thing very soon! (Husband cheated) and its killing me too! Hopefully itll all pass and we’ll all be ok at the end. Until then….lets power through this!

@Sadlytrue1234 I'm so sorry that happened to you 💐

I can't imagine what you're going through.

I initiated separation at sheer frustration with my dh and the sad realisation that he didn't respect or value me.

It is absolutely heartbreaking when your spouse checks out due to their own sense of entitlement.

Not at all what family or marriage is about.

I really hope you're ok 😊

@Onelastgo22 not ok yet. But i know i will be! My husband didnt value or respect me for the ten years either. Infact took me for granted. Why else would someone cheat!

So if youre only separated, does that mean youre hoping he’ll come back to his senses and eventually everything will get better? Is he at least trying to get you back?

There isn't a hurt like it. None of us started our families thinking we would be apart from them. It's been a few years for me. Life is mostly full of peace and contentment with the situation. Although each birthday/Christmas brings it all back to me.

Be kind to yourself. Focus on the positives as small as they are at the start and try not to think to far a head.

Sending hugs @Onelastgo22. I'm two years down the line & it does get easier. I've learnt to fill my spare time with meaningful stuff & I have more energy for my dc when they come home to me. I still miss them, painfully so at times, but other times, it's great! I can have a tidy house sometimes & make ad hoc plans. ExH & I were chaotic together & it wasn't right for any of us to continue. However staying in the relationship would have felt like the easier option at the time.

If you aren't already speaking to a therapist then I strongly advise you do so asap, to help you work through things in your mind 💐

Thanks for the replies.

I am having counselling, i have been since before he left. This week I sobbed for the entire session.

It all seems to have come tumbling down on me since he got his own official place a few weeks ago.

I'm angry with him, at all the energy and effort he can put into things, when I was worthy of nothing.

I just feel like I will never recover from this, so what's the point in going ahead with it?

He would come back to his easy life in a heartbeat. It just became so hard that I couldn't do it anymore, but I'm not sure the alternative is better at this point.

It’s maybe not at this point but it will be with time. Being apart from kids is hard at first but over time you come to value that time and find the new you.

I'm about to go through this and I'm really not coping too well. I'm awake by 4am thinking about how the children will cope, how to actually blurt out those words to my H I'm done. I'm pretty sure he knows but he's playing mind games and I'm slowly crumbling inside. I guess we knuckle down and keep going. Sending hugs your way xx

It is worth it. Living with someone who has little or no respect for you and who treats you like someone there to support them only without any reciprocal care is draining and limiting your own life.

It just takes time for you to get used to the new normal and then you will start to enjoy your new life. Having time for yourself, being able to plan things and do things your way without having to constantly make allowances or work around an unsupportive partner. Finding you again,

I appreciate what you're all saying and it's the same advice I would give a friend, I'm just really not feeling it right now.

I'm just filled with sadness.

I doubt i will ever love or trust anyone again. I won't ever love this deeply again, I know that.