EX (dc dad) is on the verge of asking to pay less CM....because he's having more DC

[BlondiesAllDay]

Hi,

Any day now I suspect. We have a teenager together and we've been separated for almost 10 years. Although I know he's better than a lot of blokes because he does actually pay CM, he always has to be reminded and it's very rarely on time.

Anyway, after being completely adamant he never wanted more dc, he and his dw had a baby a couple of years ago. Very much planned from the sounds of it. I was happy for him, but in the lead up to the birth, was telling me how much he's going to have to fork out on baby stuff 😶 No shit sherlock. Then once his dc is born and attending nursery, I get told exactly how much he has to pay for nursery fees, how much maternity leave his dw gets and how much her income will drop and when. I know exactly why he's telling me this.

Now his dw has just announced a few days ago that she's expecting again. I'm already getting the financial run down and he even tells our dc. They now feel guilty when he spends anything on them! It's ridiculous. I believe that dc shouldn't take money for granted, but they shouldn't feel like a financial burden, especially when it's because their dad is having more dc.

I know he will want a chat soon about reducing CM and I'm absolutely dreading it. I'm a very reasonable person and if they'd genuinely just fallen on hard times, I would (and have) accept late or even smaller payments, but when you've made the decision to grow your family and then you can't afford your existing dc, well I'm not so accepting of that. Our dc won't really go without, but it's not the point. We're all having to tighten our belts right now though, so it will certainly be more noticeable than before.

What would you say in this situation? Has anyone been in this situation?

TIA

You’ve only got to read Mumsnet day in day out to confirm the most women as per @Autumn42 Comments consider it you’re very good fortune if you’ve got anything at all in the way of child-support

@Bringsexyback

You’ve only got to read Mumsnet day in day out to confirm the most women as per *@Autumn42* Comments consider it you’re very good fortune if you’ve got anything at all in the way of child-support

Well nobody is going to post about their nice ex are they? I'm well aware many men don't pay but that's not what you posted about is it?

CMS awards a discount in CM if he has children living at home, but to be honest it is not much and I don’t think it increases if they have more than one child so I don’t think you have much to worry.

Now if he has been voluntarily paying maintenance in excess of what CMS requires, I understand that it can come down drastically, as it was a voluntary extra but it won’t go down below the CMS minimum requirements if you have a case open with them.

[quote Bringsexyback]@Autumn42 The 20% number is for three school-aged children so yeah 12 grand might potentially cover two, wouldn’t cover three, and that’s the CMS calculations.

My only point is is that you don’t get a medal for providing the legal minimum to your children. The only losers in the entire situation are the kids and that’s nothing to be proud of.[/quote]
The CMS rate does put quite a dent in the finances of most NRP, it’s certainly not an insignificant amount. I bought my children up on my earnings and far less than 12k a year maintenance without them ‘suffering’ when I wasn’t earning I was getting benefits. Some NRPs can comfortably afford more than the CMS rate, maybe they had equity or low commuting costs or other reasons their cost of living quite low but to expect more than the CMS rate is unfair as is expecting the NRP to live a lower standard of living than the PWC.

No it isn’t because one person gets to pay the minimum and the other person has to handover 100% of their income to meet the children’s needs

A lot of RPs don't spend 100% of their income on their children, don't be ridiculous.

And the NRP isn't supposed to pay for everything. In the example you gave of spending £12k on a child being neglectful ( ), that would surely only be half as the other parent would be expected to contribute as well. So if both parents are spending 12k on their child every year that's £24,000! More than a lot of people earn themselves in a year.

Maintenance is income based, it is not always the "bare friggin minimum". It depends what the NRP earns. If they earn minimum wage then it will be a lower amount. If they earn well it can be a healthy figure.

This is the problem people think legal minimum always means LOW. It doesn't, it entirely depends what income we are talking about.

This is why 50/50 parenting is the best arrangement, it stops a lifetime of negotiating which often turns to emotional manipulation.
It's like there are 3 or 4 people in the blended family.
In the end, the CMS will deduct monies for the new child, and that's it.

This obviously depends on the detail. He isn't saying he can't afford more children. Just that the money will go down because he has more children. I don't think that's unreasonable as other posters have pointed out

Work out the cms calculations and go from there. Don't accept less and make a claim if he pushes it. It's not your problem.

I think it actually depends on what he is currently paying towards your son.

Is it a private arrangement or does he pay the absolute minimum?

As he only had the one child previously, was he paying well over the odds for them following the divorce, and now that he has 2 more has to reduce that as it is too much?
or will reducing it mean he pays less than the minimum required?

Thats makes a big difference tbh to the whole scenario.

Perhaps suggest, if hes reducing it to less than the minimum that he has dc at his alot more often? Or is it currently 50/50 anyway?

Agree (although there are circumstances where not ideal) would save so much animosity between NRPs on the one hand who seem to either have no idea how much raising a child costs or get the idea of responsibility and so begrudge giving the PWC even £50 a week towards clothing, feed and pay childcare for 2 children to those PWC who think that them and their children should automatically be maintained at the pre separation standard of living regardless of their ex’s actual income