How much is too much contact?

[Grandma234]

My husband (58) and his female friend/former co-worker (29) still talk and text mostly initiated by my husband. I've seen some of the texts and they seem completely innocent as friendly chat between friends. I know for a fact that he does delete the phone calls and may be deleting some texts. He and I are on different phone plans so I can't see all of the activity so if he is deleting texts, I have no proof. How much is too much communication between them? He is a very outgoing, friendly, sometimes overly friendly guy who knows no stranger and I've seen pics on social media that she is dating guys her own age. Please give your opinions on much how much is too much communication between them. Thanks

The "too much" is equal to the deleted texts and calls imho.

OP, can you please elaborate?

*Are they in contact daily or weekly?
*Does he ever speak to her in front of you?
*Deleting is suspicious behavior. Does he delete anyone else’s calls?
*How long has this been going on? Has there been an escalation?
*Do they ever meet up?

If he’s deleting call records and texts then I feel like he has something to hide.
Sorry, I’ve been in this situation before. The friendly chats and messages became something else with the flirty messages being deleted so it looked like it was just a normal conversation.
If you don’t like it then you need to explain that to him! As you said, he has initiated it so it’s a little weird that he’s becoming such good friends with someone he no longer works with and has an age gap with.

It does seem dodgy he's wants to keep in touch regularly with a former co worker that happens to be single. The deleted messages are something to hide from you, why else would he need to otherwise.

Need to find a way to see his texts and phone calls. He now knows that I have been looking at his phone when he leaves the room. We are on separate phone plans so looking at his account is not an option. Anyone know of a way to see his phone activity, including deleted calls and texts, without him knowing about it? I need to know if there is an emotional affair going on.

From experience, I would say she views him as a colleague/friend and a father type figure - someone more experienced in life who might be able to advise her on stuff. She may hope to meet someone who has some of the qualities she sees in him.

He wants to have sex with her. He won't realise that she views him as above and he will think he's paving the way for something more.

I speak as someone who was one that younger woman and who now dates men in their 50s...

@GreyCarpet

From experience, I would say she views him as a colleague/friend and a father type figure - someone more experienced in life who might be able to advise her on stuff. She may hope to meet someone who has some of the qualities she sees in him.

He wants to have sex with her. He won't realise that she views him as above and he will think he's paving the way for something more.

I speak as someone who was one that younger woman and who now dates men in their 50s...

This is spot on in my experience too. She will possibly be unaware that this is anything less than innocent. The chances are he is a sad, middle aged man flattering himself that her attention means she's got the hots for him. The answer to your question, OP, is that, yes, if he feels the need to delete comms with her, then something isn't right. Sorry.

I think now you need to be upfront with him.
He knows you’ve been looking at his phone, did you two talk about this?
I think you need to explain you’ve checked his phone, you have seen deleted messages, you feel his tone in the texts are inappropriate and ask why he is carrying on this friendship with someone he wouldn’t naturally have a friendship with.
He will dodge questions and will blame you for not trusting him but an open person would simply explain why they are wanting to us friendship.

I have confronted him with this. He denies that he’s deleting just her calls. When I asked to see his account, he says no. He claims he’s not contacting her anymore but he’s lied to me right to my face in the recent past, also involving situations that involved this gal. I just want to know for a fact whether he is contacting her or not and the context of what they are saying. I need proof and don’t know how to get it.