How do I end a relationship with someone who is already struggling?

[Unicornbuttons87]

I want to end the relationship, we’ve been together for three years. We don’t live together or anything but we have seen each other through some tough times and it has been a significant relationship.
However, the last few months it’s been hard going for various reasons and I just don’t feel the same anymore. I care about him but I find the time I spend with him really drags me down. I know that’s selfish but I really feel I have nothing left to give. The issue is that when things are difficult in other areas of his life he takes it out on me - I become the sounding board. Whatever I say is then wrong so I tend not to say anything. Last weekend he ranted about something to do with one of his friends for over two hours and I said not a single word that entire time.
I love him but I just need some time out of this. He hasn’t got any family and I feel like everything falls on me.
I am certain I want to end the relationship but I feel so much responsibility and guilt. So much that I’m tempted just to stay in it, even though it makes my heart sink.
How do I end the relationship without tipping him over the edge?

Don't make how he feels your priority.
You want out, understandably. How he may react to that isn't a reason for you to give him your entire life

It might sound harsh but his struggles aren't your problem... why would you stay when you aren't happy ? Put yourself first and just end it . He can rant to his friends for two hours instead.

It sounds as if the dynamic is actually abusive, if he’s regularly ranting at length while you listen in silence! Think of it as saving yourself, which it is.

His situation and his MH are not your responsibility. Do not waste your life on someone you don’t want to be with.

It may be the tipping pint fir him to get some real professional help.

He is not your responsibility. He is a grown man and he’s not treating you very well. You are not his counsellor. This relationship isn’t working out for you and you’re not happy in it.

Get out of the FOG (fear, obligation and guilt) that is trapping you. All of these are bad reasons to make decisions to live your life by.

You could reframe it in your head if it helps in that you are incompatible because him just venting / off loading and using you as his silent emotional skip is enabling him to ruminate and is not productive for him because there is no challenge, dialogue, accountability or responsibility for change on his part.

It’s really good that you are very self aware and can physically feel the heart sink - now you need to act. Calmly, assertively and cleanly with clarity and no FOG.

Expect him to bleat, and blame and emotionally manipulate with tears and threats but don’t give him the opportunity - don’t expose yourself to it. One calm conversation. Maybe a second one for closure that he is aware is the final and last one. Have a simple message that you rinse and repeat a couple of times - don’t get drawn into anything else - and if he keeps coming back just say I have nothing further to say and I am now ending this conversation.

Expect the breakup to be all about him and his feelings - proving exactly why it’s over.

This is where I am right now, but we do live together and have 3 kids. I would leave before it becomes impossible if after only 3 years it's already like that. You are making huge sacrifices by omission if you try and stay with him.